Link: What’s the best feeling in the world? Being the first person in town to have something, right? Well now, you can do just that by clicking the link above and downloading the full, unedited, unexpurgated, exciting print edition of The Brooklyn Paper. It doesn’t actually hit the streets until Friday, meaning that you can start enjoying all our listings, features, news and arts coverage right now — a day before everyone else. You’re awesome!

Nightlife: Comedy is about to get the Greenlight. Comments (1).

The Butcher of Flatbush Ave. Extension: It’s a line drive over the wall, so go hit the showers! Comments (6).

Perspective: Our cartoonist weighs in. Comment.

Link: If it’s Wednesday, it’s Police Blotter day on BrooklynPaper.com. Find your neighborhood below or click the link above to get a full list.

Letters: This week’s mailbag is full of outrage over Editor Gersh Kuntzman’s column about excessive security measures at the new Long Island Rail Road terminal. Bring it on! Comments (3).

Waiting in the Wings: The Brooklyn Academy of Music’s trans-Atlantic “Bridge Project” will start its second season with a Shakespeare play that’s a bit of a comedown from prior works in the series, “The Cherry Orchard” and “The Winter’s Tale.” Comments (6).

Carroll Gardens: Three women beat up another one with a broom. Plus all the crime news from Carroll Gardens, Cobble Hill and Red Hook’s 76th Precinct. Comment.

Cinema: Writer-director Peter Hedges narrates a love story to a great cinematic neighborhood. Comments (3).

Bay Ridge: The neighborhood rallies to save its bus lines. Comments (5).

Shopping: Dharmesh Chokshi’s new BR Specialty Beer Store is a bit of hop heaven. Comments (3).

Boerum Hill: On his final day in office, then-Comptroller Bill Thompson bowed to the mayor’s wishes and quietly approved a contract that paves the way for the controversial expansion and reopening of the Brooklyn House of Detention in Boerum Hill. Comments (4).

Brooklyn Heights: The Brooklyn Heights businesswoman who was facing $3,000 in fines for hanging a single envelope of business cards to a single lamppost last year fought City Hall — and won (mostly). Comments (4).

The Best Thing We Ate This Week: Get to Crown Heights for the best in savory meat. Comments (5).

Smartmom: Everyone is talking about the Park Slope Parents poster who thinks her husband is about to have an affair. But is it such a big deal? Yes and no, our Smartmom says. Comments (13).

Music: Steven Severin helped form the seminal post-punk band Siouxsie and the Banshees in 1976 — but now he’s doing something really post-punk: He’s scoring classic experimental films. Comment.