Blood on the snacks
Saturday, September 13: Today, Clinton Hill’s Pillow Cafe holds its second-annual Bloody Mary contest — but the real winner is you. Bartenders from Rustic, Bonita, Chez Oscar, Madiba and Alibi will battle it out for borough hegemony. Judging will be blind, we’re told. Of course, given how many drinks will get downed in the name of certitude.
4 pm. Pillow Cafe [505 Myrtle Ave., between Ryerson Street and Grand Avenue in Clinton Hill, (718) 246-2711]. $10 (includes a Bloody Mary).
Paperback writers
Sunday, September 14: Marty Markowitz may not look like he reads anything but a menu, but our beep has put together another classic Book Festival. This year’s lineup includes Jimmy Breslin, Joan Didion, Nathan Englander, Jonathan Franzen, Pete Hamill (pictured) and a whole nother two-thirds of the alphabet!
Crash courses
Tuesday, September 16: Tonight, the “Adult Education” lecture series continues. This month’s topic is scandal — and Editor Gersh Kuntzman (pictured) will explain how Takeru Kobayashi cheated at this year’s hot dog contest and how he, Kuntzman, bears no culpability even though he, Kuntzman, was Kobayashi’s judge!
8 pm. Union Hall (702 Union St., between Fifth and Sixth avenues in Park Slope). $5. For info, visit
www.adult-ed.net
Bloomers
Thursday, September 18: Can you beat this? The Gallery Players have just opened “The Underpants,” a classic German play, adapted by Steve Martin, about a woman whose underwear momentarily drops in public, setting off a chain of events that causes her husband to fear reprisals and his wife to become the object of significant affection. A must see.
8 pm. The Gallery Players (199 14th St., between Fourth and Fifth avenues in Park Slope). $18. Call (718) 595-0547 or visit galleryplayers.com for info.
Booze 101
Sunday, September 21: Don’t know the difference between rye and malt whiskey? Can’t tell your Canadian from your Irish? Is your Scotch on the rocks? Learn all about these delectable brown beverages from the great LeNell Smothers herself in this tasting.
3 pm. LeNell’s [416 Van Brunt St., between Coffey and Van Dyke streets in Red Hook, (718) 360-0838]. $75. Register in advance.