The Brooklyn Papers / Greg Mango

Exercising demons: Members of the Brooklyn Bombshells roller derby team, Anne Silvernail (aka Anne Phetamean) and Jean Schwarzwalder (aka Suzy Hotrod) at practice in the Skate Key Arena in the Bronx on March 7.

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Were you the girl who beat up all the boys in elementary school? Do you consider yourself an overgrown tomboy? Are you strangely attracted to both miniskirts and mouthguards? If so, you may be ready to become the Brooklyn Bombshells’ newest "bad-ass chick on roller skates."

But make no mistake. If you want to be a Bombshell - a team in the Gotham Girls Roller Derby, New York’s only all-female roller derby league - you’ve got to be more than just New York City tough. The Bombshells, who regularly compete with the only other team in the league, the Manhattan Mayhems, aren’t afraid of bruises or broken bones.

But you’ve also got to be a lady: most of the girls battle it out in fishnet stockings and short skirts. It’s a community of girls of all shapes and sizes who beat the crap out of each other and then go for beers.

"It’s risky business," admits Suzy Hotrod (aka Jean Schwarzwalder), the fearless co-captain of the Brooklyn Bombshells. "It’s easy to take an injury, but the best way to avoid it is to be the best possible skater."

It’s a Monday night, and the Bombshells and the Mayhems are practicing together at Skate Key in the Bronx. Suzy Hotrod sheds her leopard-print coat and dons a pair of roller skates painted with orange flames.

"It’s like being Spiderman on wheels," she says, and hits the rink with a vengeance, keeping low to the ground and swinging her arms menacingly.

Meanwhile, her bellicose teammates are donning their armor: kneepads, elbow and wrist guards, helmets adorned with glittery stickers and the occasional mouthguard for the truly vicious fighters. Under a sign that reads "Skate At Your Own Risk," they slam into the rink and everything is suddenly ablaze with a swirling mass of multicolored wheels and tattooed arms.

Roller derby, which originated in 1935, is an enigmatic cross between spectacle and sport. During a bout, two teams of five skaters face off on a flat track. Four girls of each team form "packs" and take off at the first whistle. The remaining two "jammers" bolt at the second whistle and start fighting their way through the opposing team’s pack, who try to stop the opposing jammer from passing through and scoring.

Around and around, the action goes on for up to two full minutes of spectacular carnage. Bodies are slammed to the floor, elbows whack into ribs and cheers mix with expletives as the girls battle it out at breakneck speed. Each game is three periods of 15 minutes each with a half-time show.

"I love it," says the Bombshells’ Lady Batterly (Sarah Paradoski). "It’s the kind of sport I always wanted."

The players practice together for a minimum of two hours each week. At tonight’s practice, the two teams (who are mostly in their 20s to early-30s and train together despite their uninhibited rivalry during games) begin with their regular stretching, endurance training, and bouting exercises before they turn nasty and start the real brawling. They circle the rink hundreds of times at a dizzying pace, practice falling "correctly" and review different maneuvers and blocks.

Clearly, this kind of activity is a brutal workout.

"Everyone loses weight," says Suzy Hotrod, whose own muscles bulge in her black jeans and belt with "Lady Unluck" studs. "Your quads and hamstrings get more defined, especially at that point where your butt meets your leg."

The Mayhems’ Ginger Snap (Natily Blair), who snapped her wrist during a particularly vicious practice last season, agrees: "The right legs of all my jeans split, because we used to go around the rink in only one direction."

Although the battles may seem dangerously chaotic, all derby girls are put through a rigorous three-month training period and must pass a basic skills test before they are allowed to become a part of the team.

"It takes a long time to get good enough [to compete]," says Suzy Hotrod. For obvious reasons, girls are also strictly prohibited from skating if they lack health insurance, and they must be 18 to join.

Tonight, Ariel Assault (Tracey DeBenedictis), Donna Matrix (Anna Kolberg), Annie Maul (Sandy Basta), Sharyn Payne (Morgan Bennison) and Carmen Monoxide (Dina Fiasconaro) are competing as Bombshells for the first time, but they are technically no longer "fresh meat," explains league founder and co-captain of the Bombshells, Chassis Crass (Karin Bruce).

"We joke and say they’re now ’rotten meat’ or ’rancid meat’ with the rest of us," says Crass. "We don’t place fresh meat on teams until they pass their skills test."

Kaleena Castillo, who’s considering the name "Sugar Smacks," has already passed her skills test, but isn’t competing as rancid meat with the Bombshells tonight due to lapses in her health insurance between jobs. But she says she’s lost at least 6-10 pounds since practicing with the derby girls due to the aerobic and muscle-building effects of the sport. And like her fellow combatants, she’s drawn to the odd combination of conflict and camaraderie shared by all Gotham Girls.

"There’s no, ’I’m sorry’ or taking anything personally," says Castillo. "The rivalry is all in good fun. It helps get out your mutual aggression. But afterward, the girls exchange recipes and sewing tips."

The Gotham Girls Roller Derby are recruiting in all boroughs and New Jersey. Although there is no fee to join, there are dues that are applied toward practice costs. For more information, e-mail Chassis Crass (Karin Bruce) at chassiscrass@gothamgirlsrollerderby.com. If you’d just like to watch, bouts will be held monthly from April-October at Skate Key, 220 E. 138th St. at Canal Place in the Bronx. Tickets ($12 advance, $15 at the door) are available online at www.gothamgirlsrollerderby.com. VIP and season ticket rates also available.

©2005 Community Newspaper Group