August 18, 2007 / Perspective / Parenting / Smartmom

Third birthday party is ‘Ducky’

By Louise Crawford

The Brooklyn Paper

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So, Smartmom wondered, can Diaper Diva pull off Ducky’s third birthday party?

Yes, the red-haired beauty with the fairest skin, a contagious laugh, and the brightest eyes imaginable was turning 3 and Diaper Diva had a rather ambitious party planned.

And it’s not like she has the 16, that’s right 16, years of mothering experience under her belt like Smartmom. She’s a newbie really, a greenhorn when it comes to this mothering stuff.

Smartmom observed Diaper Diva as she began planning the fete back in June. In true Diaper Diva fashion, she fussed over every detail. Should it be indoor and out? Should there be a children’s entertainer? Should it have a theme?

Is it appropriate to have wine?

All this, while she’s working full time and desperately trying to get Ducky toilet-trained.

Smartmom knew she had a lot on her plate and wondered how it would go.

Still, Smartmom knew to stay out of it.

Well, she did contribute some pearls of wisdom.

Remember: All the balloons should be the same color. They’ll all want red.

But that’s all. Smartmom was delicate with the advice.

Ducky is 3 already and admittedly Diaper Diva has done a pretty good job so far.

Just look at Ducky. She’s so full of spunk and fun; a little bossy sometimes and very smart; she’s oh so definite about what she wants to do and what she wants everyone else to do.

And Diaper Diva handles all of it with aplomb. In fact, Smartmom admires the way Diaper Diva sets limits for Ducky and the way Ducky actually listens to her. Smartmom, on the other hand, was never great in the discipline department.

In other ways, too, Smartmom notices the transformation of Diaper Diva from a non-parent living in the Slope — who was, truth be told, more than a little annoyed by the neighborhood’s child-centeredness — to a full-fledged, leaves-her-Maclaren stroller-in-the-middle-of-the-sidewalk, Park Slope mama.

At least she doesn’t have a Bugaboo.

It’s true. Diaper Diva has all the super annoying parts of motherhood down cold: everything revolves around Ducky now. Diaper Diva is rarely able to meet for a quick drink. And when Smartmom wants to talk on the phone, Diaper Diva says, “Gotta go now, bye. Ducky needs me.”

Clearly, she’s a great mom and Ducky is the center of her neighborhood, which sometimes makes Smartmom feel a little left out. Her own children aren’t the center of DD’s universe anymore. And neither is she.

But that’s OK, that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Right?

Fiercely protective, loving, nurturing, and serious about her mothering, Diaper Diva travels with Dora the Explorer Band Aids, a pocketbook full of first-aid supplies, and sugar-free lollipops for potty-training incentives (Ducky is fully trained now).

And you don’t even want to know what’s in Diaper Diva’s well-stocked red Skip Hop diaper bag.

Smartmom knows that it’s only natural that Diaper Diva’s antenna is tuned to the “all Ducky, all the time” radio station of life.

Smartmom arrived early (but not too early) for Ducky’s Dora the Explorer party. There was a life-sized blow up Dora, of course and Diaper Diva hired a sweet-natured performer named Peter Davis, who sang melodic originals like “Playing in the Playground” and “Red-Headed Girl” (special for Ducky) and classics like “Wheels on the Bus” and the “If You’re Happy and You Know It” with a humorous twist.

When Diaper Diva asked him to sing, “The Circle Game,” the 40-something Davis asked her to sing along.

“I don’t sing,” she said. “My sister does. I was the painter.”

Smartmom was impressed. Diaper Diva had in one sentence clearly delineated their separate identities as children. Being a twin, you have to pick your turf in order to distinguish yourself.

Even in their late 40s, they’re still trying to win that turf war and are still competitive with each other, super critical, and not just a little judgmental.

In a helpful way.

Smartmom was moved that her sister wanted her to sing. She used to think her sister resented the singing because it brought Smartmom so much attention.

Few know of Smartmom’s former identity as a 20-something songwriter who, in her dreams, was a cross between Joni Mitchell and Billie Holiday. (Dumb Editor note: In her dreams, indeed!)

A road not taken. But hey, she got to sing at Ducky’s third birthday party at her sister’s urging.

Tabloid Mom, who kept telling Davis that he reminded her of Kenny Loggins, added her lovely voice to the mix.

Too bad Tabloid Dad missed the concert, but he was off working on the Geraldo show. But the Kravitzes were there, as were many friends old and new, including Diaper Diva’s next-door neighbor, hipster friends from Williamsburg, and all of Ducky’s pals from her Prospect Park West apartment building.

In addition to the ’70s sing-a-thon, there was Pin the Tail on the Donkey, a mask-making activity, a Dora piñata, and tiny cupcakes and, of course, the big photo op when Ducky blew out her candles.

When all was said and done, Smartmom had to admit that Diaper Diva had really aced the 3-year-old-party-test, an important rite of passage of motherhood.

Sure, there was hard candy (choking risk for 3-year-olds) in the pinata. But hey, the kids had fun (and no Heimlich Maneuver was required). The parents had fun. Even the children’s entertainer had fun.

And Smartmom and her twin are learning to be separate and supportive of one another.

Way to go, Diaper Diva, who is already planning Ducky Day number four.

Smartmom wonders if she’ll be able to top this one. She is new at this and all…

©2007 Community Newspaper Group