October 20, 2007 / Park Slope / Perspective / PS … I Love You

They all want me dead now

By Gersh Kuntzman

The Brooklyn Paper

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On Tuesday, I biked home for the last time this season. I could chalk it up to the early sunsets, which make it difficult to bike safely. Or I could chalk it up to the real reason: every driver (and some of my fellow bikers) wants me dead.

Most of the time, I stay safe by avoiding rush hour because I head for work early and leave the office late (don’t worry, boss; I’m pulling 70 hour weeks just for the easy ride home, I assure you). I can’t stand pedaling during rush hour, when everyone is speeding like madmen to get home, so I usually leave the office at 6:30. But as the sunsets come earlier, I have to leave a bit sooner to avoid biking in pitch darkness. And when it’s dark out, drivers get even crazier, because their brains are tricking them into thinking they’re later than they really are.

But drivers aren’t the only nuts out there. I was biking on Jay Street alongside another biker on Tuesday when all of a sudden, his cellphone rings.

Now, remember: this is rush hour on Jay Street — which is about as safe as driving a Dodge Dart at the Indy 500 — and this guy pulls out his cellphone!

So I gave a friendly reminder: “On your left,” I said — but he pulled out the phone anyway and veered to the left!

“On your left!” I yelled out again.

“I know, geez!” he yelled back at me, though he finally veered away.

It was then that I realized we all need to follow a few simple rules of the road:

1. When operating a vehicle of any kind, do not use a cellphone.

Anyone who spends any time on a bike knows that nine times out of 10, the crazy driver turning the wrong way down Smith Street is yakking on a cellphone. And only one time in 1,000 does he get a ticket.

2. Stop speeding up to cut off a bicyclist.

Drivers, it’s much easier for you to see ahead of you than it is for the biker to see behind himself, so why not let the biker get around that double-parked car rather than speed up to cut him off abruptly?

3. Do not run red lights.

Drivers: Running through a red light in New York is idiotic. With staggered lights, you’re only running one red to get to another.

Bikers: It’s illegal to run red lights, of course, but at many intersections, it’s actually dangerous because as you’re looking right to see if there’s oncoming traffic speeding through its green light, there are pedestrians heading across the street from both corners. My rule is to slow down to a safe stopping distance before heading illegally across the intersection. And by “safe stopping distance,” I mean the ability to stop on a dime and say, “Sorry” to the pedestrian, not the skill to whiz by him and then hurl epithets at him for crossing with the light when you were planning to run it.

4. Respect bike lanes.

Drivers: Stop parking in bike lanes or treating them like they’re your passing lane. And if the double-parked car is in your lane and a biker is in the bike lane, you have to slow down, not the biker.

Bikers: If there’s a bike lane, use it; don’t weave through traffic. And don’t go the wrong way down a bike lane, as this confuses bikers (not my real name) who are going the correct way. Memo to those guys heading down Third Street on Tuesday as I was huffing and puffing up: That lane ain’t big enough for the both of us. I have right of way, so get out.

The good news is that, at least for the winter, I’m off the roads. I made it through another biking season without having -to publish that obit in my office computer.

Gersh Kuntzman is the editor of The Brooklyn Paper and a Park Slope resident.

The Kitchen Sink

The feud goes on: Former Rep. Major Owens put out a press release this week touting his endorsement of Sen. Barack Obama for the presidency — months after his successor (and political rival) Yvette Clarke (D–Park Slope) endorsed Sen. Hillary Clinton for the same office. Can’t these old enemies agree on anything? …

What’s with that guy who tried to sell sweat socks during goulash night at Café Steinhof on Monday night? Our spy said he was enjoying a bowl of $6 goulash ($6 goulash, Jerry!) when an old man came in trying to sell socks. Don’t we have street fairs for that kind of thing? …

Our pal, Tom Rooney, a lifelong Carlton Avenue resident, chief usher at St. Augustine’s Roman Catholic Church, and stalwart Atlantic Yards opponent, was found dead in his home on Oct. 14. The Bishop Laughlin HS graduate, who spoke Gaelic and played a mean Irish fiddle, was beloved in Prospect Heights for his generosity, warmth, and involvement in the community. Our condolences to his family and his countless friends.

©2007 Community Newspaper Group