February 10, 2007 / Perspective / Parenting / Smartmom

Feeling the Valentine’s love

By Louise Crawford

The Brooklyn Paper

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Something is in the air. Two of Smartmom’s lovelorn friends are finding love again. And that is so inspiring.

These are friends who’ve been through the emotional mill. Harried Harriet endured an unpleasant marriage that resulted in an unpleasant divorce. And Marian Fontana lost her firefighter husband on 9-11. Grief stricken, she learned how to be a single mom as she struggled to heal and move forward after that life-changing event.

Harried Harriet found love on eHarmony. And a really good man who loves her back. They’re living together and planning to get married soon. When her divorce comes through, that is.

Marian met her guy on a blind date, sort of. The man she was supposed to meet chickened out and he sent his friend instead.

They hit it off right a way. When Marian told Smartmom and Divorce Diva about her blind date over drinks a year ago at Black Pearl she told them, “He’s the one.”

If raised eyebrows could talk. Divorce Diva and Smartmom could barely contain their skepticism. Take it slow, they cautioned. What’s the rush?

“We just don’t want you to get hurt,” Diva said.

To be honest, there was surely a spray of jealousy in the air. New love sounded like such fun to long-married Smartmom and the recently divorced Divorce Diva. It had been a long time since either of them had been wined and dined at the Rainbow Room.

As time went on, Marian’s new love affair escalated unabated. A couple of months in, “the One” told her that he wanted “Ring of Fire” to play at their wedding.

Now she was telling him to slow down. Besides, she thought it was an odd choice of song. Considering.

Still, things moved fast as they often do when two decisive people fall head over heels in love. Plus, her new man was crazy about her son. And vise-versa.

It was a match made in heaven.

Sure, they had their ups and downs. Arguments. Heavy talks. Nights spent sleeping on the couch. It wouldn’t be a real relationship without all that. In fact, one of the reasons Marian loves “the One” as much as she does is that he is willing to talk, analyze and talk some more about just about everything.

In other words, he’s in therapy. And there’s nothing more romantic than a guy in therapy.

So, last week, on the anniversary of their first date, he proposed. And he did everything right.

First, he told her 10-year-old son what he had in mind to make sure he was on board. And boy-oh-boy was Marian’s son excited.

Then, he went to Green-Wood Cemetery to ask for permission from Marian’s late great husband, Dave.

On a cold January day, he waited and waited. It’s not easy to get a thumbs-up from the dead, but “the One” did receive a sign.

Smartmom won’t say how he knew. Marian is a writer and that’s her story to tell.

Last week, Smartmom, Divorce Diva, Cinderella, and Marian got together at Santa Fe Grill for a congratulatory glass of champagne (except, they don’t serve champagne there, so they had to settle for the house Chardonnay).

Marian remembered last year’s raised eyebrows. “You guys thought I was crazy,” she said.

The group wanted to hear every detail of “the One’s” proposal. And Marian obliged with her usual gusto.

Then she showed off her beautiful new engagement ring that she was wearing on her pinky finger.

“Why is it on your pinky?” Smartmom asked.

“The One” had grabbed a ring from her jewelry box so he’d know her finger size. Problem was, he snatched a pinky ring. The new ring needs to be resized.

Staring at Marian’s pinky-sized engagement ring, Smartmom realized that along with happiness, her friend was also experiencing just a smidgen of pain. It can’t be easy getting engaged when you’re still someone else’s wife.

Like the ring, this engagement would take a while to really fit.

While Marian will never stop loving Dave, the father of her adorable child, she can still create a great life with someone new.

Her love for her late husband and her love for “the One” are not mutually exclusive. And that’s something “the One” understands.

And that’s why he is “the One.” It won’t always be easy, but the openness these two share will go a long way toward making this a wonderful and lasting marriage.

©2007 The Brooklyn Paper