Today’s news:

Elvis lives!

The Brooklyn Paper

Two no-goodniks threatened a Williamsburg man with a knife on May 22, forcing him to hand over his wallet, cellphone and Elvis keychain.

The ruffians confronted the man on South Third Street between Roebling and Havemeyer streets at around 12:40 am, and one flashed the knife and said, “Be quiet. I’m not f—ing around.”

The 22-year-old victim handed over his black leather wallet, phone, credit cards, Metrocard and King of Rock ’n’ roll keychain, and the victims fled east towards Marcy Avenue.

Bank job

A crook robbed the Banco Popular branch on Graham Avenue on May 23 — but got away with just $440.

The money-hungry thief entered the bank, which is between Broadway and Debevoise Avenue, at around 2:45 pm, and passed the teller a note demanding cash.

Knock knock

Cops nabbed a Boerum Street stabber on May 22.

Witnesses say the blade-wielding bad-guy knocked on the door of an apartment between Lorimer and Leonard streets at around 1:20 pm. When the 27-year-old resident opened the door, the crook slashed him repeatedly across the back, then fled.

Police say they locked up the 27-year-old suspect.

Dropped calls

Williamsburg hoodlums are snatching phones out of their victims’ hands, grabbing at least four cells last week alone, including:

• A Sidekick cellphone from a 27-year-old woman at 6:30 pm on May 19 at the corner of Broadway and Flushing Avenue.

• An iPhone from a woman on May 20 at 8 pm on the corner of Broadway and Lorimer Street.

• A cellphone from a 17-year-old while she was making a call on May 21 at noon on the corner of Broadway and Lorimer Street; cops locked up a 14-year-old suspect later that day.

• A Sidekick from an 18-year-old’s hands while she walked down the stairs to the Morgan Avenue L station at around 7 pm on May 21.

Old target

Two heartless heathens robbed a 93-year-old woman of her wallet as she stood in front of a fruit market on May 24.

The crooks mugged the woman in front of a Graham Avenue grocery at around 4:15 pm, cops say. They escaped from the shop, which is between Devoe Street and Metropolitan Avenue with $90, Key Food and C-Town discount cards, insurance information, and a metal charm of St. Jude.

MacTook

A burglar broke into a Grattan Street apartment on May 20 and stole an Apple laptop.

The thug got into the apartment, which is between Knickerbocker and Porter avenues, between 8:20 am and 5 pm, cops say. After entering through the front door — in which the victim might have left his keys — he or she took the $2,500 MacBook and fled.

Fight interrupted

A cop who was searching bags at the Marcy Avenue subway station broke up a fight on the street below and apprehended two suspected robbers on May 20.

A straphanger told the cop there was a fight on Broadway at around 4:50 pm. The cop interrupted the altercation, which was between Havemeyer Street and Marcy Avenue, and nabbed a 35-year-old man and a 30-year-old woman suspected of robbing a 49-year-old man of his cellphone and slugging him in the face.

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