Today’s news:

Caller No-D

The Brooklyn Paper

Talk about getting kicked while you’re down.

A punk stole a Boerum Hill man’s cellphone on June 21 as the victim lay unconscious in the street after a cyclist hit him.

In the 3:30 pm incident near the intersection of Smith and Dean streets, the man hit his head on a nearby car and passed out. When he woke up a few hours later at the hospital, he realized his cellphone was gone. He tried to call it several times, and finally a man answered. But instead of being helpful in any way, the man said: “It’s not your phone,” the victim said he was told.

Dumb-o

A bad thief — and a bad liar — broke into a storage closet in a DUMBO office building on June 25, and made out with a hand truck and case of toilet paper.

When a maintenance man discovered the thief around on the Washington Street building’s third floor at around 11:30 pm, the burglar told him, “If you call the [cops], I will kill you.”

The man called cops to the building, which is near Front Street, and the burglar fled without making good on his threat.

Trippin’ up

A store employee trying to do the right thing ended up instead with a busted lip and trip to the hospital.

On June 26, several thugs tried to steal merchandise from a store at Tillary and Jay streets, and the 19-year-old employee told them to go away. Then, around 3 pm, the gang returned with a glass bottle and one perp threw it at the employee, cutting open his lip.

After all that, the gang still didn’t steal any merchandise.

WWJD?

A perp stole a Queens woman’s purse while she was praying at a Downtown Brooklyn church on June 23.

The woman told cops she placed her purse next to her around 9 am when she bowed her head to pray, and then noticed it was gone when she finished.

The church is located between Myrtle Avenue and Willoughby Street.

Stee-rike!

Cops arrested two thugs — ages 18 and 25 — for beating up a 48-year-old man with a baseball bat on June 28 at the corner of Flatbush and Third avenues.

It was unclear how the 3 pm incident started, but cops saw the victim get out of his van just as one thug smashed his arm open with the bat and the other shoved him in the chest.

Shattered glass

A burglar stole a laptop from a Boerum Hill real-estate broker’s office on June 27 after he smashed open a back glass door, cops said.

An employee arrived at work just after 11 am the next morning and noticed the broken door, and told cops the security alarm at the office, located at Fourth Avenue and Pacific Street, didn’t work and surveillance footage didn’t show the perp.

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