October 14, 2008 / Perspective / Parenting / Smartmom

Smartmom has no kids to drop off

By Louise Crawford

for The Brooklyn Paper

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Smartmom is beginning to adjust to life after elementary school. But it hasn’t been easy. For 11 years, one or the other of her children attended PS 321.

That’s a long time to be affiliated with one place. Why, that’s longer than any job Smartmom has ever held. So it’s understandable that Smartmom still finds herself drawn to the school’s lobby in the morning and even wanders into the parent’s office, though she has no real business being there.

The Oh So Feisty One, on the other hand, has moved on. Sure, the first weeks were tough: she cried to Smartmom how much she missed elementary school. It was hard not to know all the kids and teachers or her way around the building. “Just when you get used to one place, they make you go somewhere new,” she said.

Smartmom how she felt, but by the end of the second week of school, OSFO had adjusted. Now, she’s on the Seventh Avenue bus — all by herself — at 8:10, and that leaves Smartmom on her own. So when Smartmom finds herself walking past PS 321 on her way to the office, she feels strange to be childless.

What a swirl of memories. Smartmom thinks of all the kids that Teen Spirit went to school with. Now they’re 17 and in their senior year of high school.

And then she visualizes all the parents, kids, teachers, and staff she knows from OSFO’s years there. The names of OSFO’s teachers — Jenna, Joanna, Laurie, Pascal, Simone, Gilian, Terry and Kathleen — float through her head.

And wow, the kindergartners and first graders look so small; and the moms and dads look young, very young. It’s like a new generation of people has taken over (and they’re better looking and richer, Smartmom thinks).

It all makes Smartmom feel old. It makes her realize that an important stage of her life is really over and that’s hard to face. She won’t ever be pregnant again or be the mom of a 5-year-old. Maybe that’s a good thing, but Smartmom still envies the parents that are going through it for the first time. What an amazing time that was.

Then again, maybe not. Those years were so fraught with fear and expectation. With the fun, there was the worry. Is he learning enough? Is she reading at grade level? What’s with his handwriting? Are they making friends?

Lately, Smartmom has been meeting up with some of her old mom friends from PS 321 for coffee at Sweet Melissa’s. “Let’s meet at drop-off,” they say. It’s kind of a joke, but all of them are still on PS 321 time, and it feels right to be sitting in Sweet Melissa’s with Harried Harriet, Brainy Lawyer and Poetry Czar at 8:30.

Over coffee and oatmeal, the friends talk about the middle school adjustment. Their kids are spread out at schools all over the city, which means big changes for the moms, too.

Most of the kids seem to like their new situations but it’s been hard for the moms. New friends, new commutes, new homework loads. There are even new parents to gossip about and new teachers and kids to kvell — or complain — about.

During their breakfasts, Smartmom and her friends reminisce and gossip a bit. They talk about the old days. Teachers. The PTA. Parents and kids they don’t see anymore.

Eventually the conversation moves on to other things. Jobs. Husbands. Money. It feels just like old times when their children were in elementary school. The words flow, the sense of connection thickens, the shared frame of reference is just what Smartmom needs. Ah yes, the comfort of one’s friends over breakfast.

And the coffee tastes as good as ever. Maybe even better.

©2008 The Brooklyn Paper