Today’s news:

Armed and dangerous

for The Brooklyn Paper

Gruesome foursome

Four armed thugs held up a 25-year-old woman and her friend as they walked home from a bar on Aug. 18.

The perps approached the victims from behind on Jewel Street at around 3:16 am and put guns to their backs, cops said.

“Get down! Don’t do nothing,” one of the muggers said.

The robbers escaped from the scene, which was between Norman and Meserole avenues, with cash, a cellphone, a credit card, an iPod, a bag, and one of the victim’s paychecks.

Knifepoint

A pair of perps pulled a knife on a 25-year-old woman in a horrifying Aug. 17 stick up.

The assailants grabbed the victim at around 10:20 pm and threw her against a garage door near the corner of N. 14th Street and Wythe Avenue.

“Don’t move or say anything,” a mugger ordered.

The thieves escaped with the victim’s bag, which contained a laptop, a cellphone, credit cards, and a computer hard drive.

Badford!

Crooks held up two Bedford Avenue eateries in the same building last week, making off with thousands of dollars in a pair of brazen stick-ups:

• An armed man entered Yogurberry — a yogurt shop on the block between N. Fifth and N. Sixth streets — and robbed the store of $2,036 on Aug. 19.

The perp approached the register at around 5:50 pm and handed an employee a note stating: “I have a gun, put the money in the bag.”

“I don’t want to cause a scene, so do it now,” the thug said.

The crook never needed to reveal his piece — the employee forked over three envelopes containing the cash.

• The following day, a robber who said he had a gun heisted $400 from a Subway sandwich shop.

The crook approached the register at around 7:55 pm and ordered a hoagie. Then he handed an employee a note stating, “I have a gun, give me everything you have.”

The employee removed a stack of $20 bills from the register and gave it to the perp, but the thief wanted more.

“Give me everything,” said the robber, who kept his right hand under his shirt throughout the stick-up.

The employee handed over the rest of the money in the register — approximately $400 — and the crook fled.

Driggs dregs

Cops nabbed three thugs suspected of assaulting a 53-year-old at the corner of Driggs Avenue and Lorimer Street on Aug. 22.

The crooks confronted the victim at around 11:15 pm and struck him “in the face, head and body with closed fists several times causing pain, swelling and lacerations,” according to the police report.

The thieves ran off with $11, but cops canvassed the neighborhood with an eyewitness until they apprehended the suspects.

Fist-to-cuffs

A Morgan Avenue fistfight turned into a real-life version of a Spy vs. Spy cartoon on Aug. 19 when brawl quickly escalated into a life or death confrontation.

The altercation started at around 3 pm when a 58-year-old and a 42-year-old got into an argument on the sixth floor of their building, which is near the corner of Jackson Street.

After exchanging words, the younger of the brawlers retreated to his apartment — but his rival wasn’t ready to end the fight.

Instead, the elder slugger pulled out a hammer and pounded on his opponent’s front door.

That’s when the younger fighter flung open his door and hurled a knife at his foe, striking his rival near the elbow, a vicious attacked that created “a grave risk of death to the victim and other tenants of the building,” cops said.

The wounded fighter dashed out of the building with his rival at his heels, but when they reached the ground floor, the injured assailant stabbed his rival in the right side of the chest.

Cops locked up both men before the fight could escalate any further.

Cop con

Cops nabbed a con artist suspected of impersonating a police officer in an attempt to extort a Greenpoint doctor.

The scammer pretended he was a cop when he called a Driggs Avenue pediatric office on Aug. 18 and asked a doctor to donate money to a charity benefiting police officers.

The medic agreed to donate $1,900 to the charity — but when she informed him the following day that she couldn’t donate as much money, the conman lost his cool.

The fake cop threatened the doctor and told her that he would fine her $5,000 — and send cops to visit her office — if she didn’t hand over the cash.

But the real cops had no trouble locking up the fake one. They locked up a 25-year-old suspected of the offense.

Grand thieves auto

Cops locked up one half of a sophisticated car theft duo on Aug. 17.

Police confronted the perps as they attempted to heist a 2008 Suzuki motorcycle on Huron Street between West and Franklin streets at around 4:20 am, but the thieves fled before cops could cuff them.

One crook dashed down Huron Street and escaped in a gray minivan with tinted windows, but police were able to nab the other no-goodnik — who was “in possession of a radio police scanner on a Brooklyn North frequency,” cops said.

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