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The air sex championship is the most fun you can have with your clothes on

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It’s time to get your “O” face on — the Air Sex World Championships are coming to Williamsburg.

Yes, the same spirit that turned fake guitar playing into a nationally televised event has gone rogue, allowing you to replicate the aesthetic grace you display when you’re doing “it” to an entire audience at the Music Hall of Williamsburg — onstage and completely alone.

To be a Svengali of air sex, the bottom line is this: have a game plan. Indeed, air sex virgins should follow the advice of the veritable Wilt Chamberlain of air sex: host Chris Trew.

“Have a costume, have a game plan and commit 100 percent to whatever you’re doing,” said Trew. “If you’re having sex with a goat, then I wanna see you stroking its horns. I want that goat to be turned on.”

If the event’s anything like the U.S. Air Guitar Championship that we covered in April, then one can expect a face-full of titillation on Oct. 9. Contestants will thrust, grab and motorboat their way for two minutes, while covering all the bases of the air sex experience: meeting, seduction, foreplay, intercourse and, if successful, afterglow.

The performance is accompanied by the participant’s favorite song — you could go with Ravel’s “Bolero,” any Barry White tune or even Boston’s “More than a Feeling.”

In other words, oh, oh, oh yes.

Past that, there’s only one other rule: all climaxes must be simulated (and judges do not want to check). But everything else — props, teams and talking — is fair in this war of love.

Judges — local comedians, musicians and artists — will choose their three favorite sex acts based on a slew of factors, including realism, humor, and the ability to please the crowd (though not necessarily in the manner in which you are thinking).

The winning three will enter the final round, where they’ll do the horizontal bop to a mystery song. The champ will go on to compete the world title in Austin, TX — if he or she can penetrate the regionals later this year.

That said, all you have to do is sign up and you’re on your way to stimulating Williamsburg’s senses. Send an e-mail with your stage name (we like “Colin Oscopy”) and an MP3 file of your song to chris@airsexworldchampionships.com.

Air Sex World Championships at the Music Hall of Williamsburg [66 N. Sixth St. between Kent and Wythe avenues, (718) 486-5400]. Tickets are $15. For info, visit www.airsexworldfinals.com.

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Reader Feedback

Rw from RedLight Dist says:
How tasteful.

Women fake it all the time, so this should be easy for them.
Sept. 9, 2010, 1:15 pm
Sam from Park Slope says:
Great coverage for the Brooklyn Paper - this will really increase readership among those who read the sliz papers.
Sept. 10, 2010, 11 am
Or from Yellow Hook says:
You've come a long way BABY.

You are sooooo empowered!

Silly tramp.l
Sept. 10, 2010, 11:40 am
K. from ArKady says:
You're the King of pageviews, Andy. Tip of the hat for such an amusing post.
Sept. 10, 2010, 12:35 pm
joey from clinton hills says:
I tried to find some other photos from "Mary Stedd" online but came up empty.
Sept. 10, 2010, 4:44 pm
djk from dallas says:
Mary Sledd is a photographer from Austin - probably a typo
Sept. 10, 2010, 11:19 pm
Merkin from Oswego says:
Suck my hard one!
Sept. 13, 2010, 11:17 am
Rob from Clinton Hills says:
Where can i watch videos of this?
Sept. 13, 2010, 12:11 pm
alex from dallas says:
where is this going to be portrayed
Sept. 13, 2010, 9:40 pm
daniel from houston says:
i need to know when the austin is, that should be effin hilarious
Sept. 13, 2010, 10:19 pm
Chelsea from Canada says:
" "Women fake it all the time, so this should be easy for them."

They wouldn't have to if guys knew what the hell they were doing ;)"

I agree :)

&

Oh my gosh!! What weird things Americans come up with now a days, rofl, Very funny.
Sept. 13, 2010, 11:41 pm
Hal Jordan from Los Angeles says:
That's just american
Sept. 14, 2010, 4:08 am
Steveo from SF says:
Skank.
Sept. 14, 2010, 7:20 am
Sue from NJ says:
And what would men do the day women stopped faking it and we just started telling you "You suck....all the time, every time. You suck. You suck."
Sept. 14, 2010, 2:49 pm
fosho from bayou says:
If you aren't gonna fake it, Im not gonna hold you afterwards.
Sept. 14, 2010, 6:30 pm
Mary Sledd from Bouldin says:
I say. That is a fine photograph if I don't say so myself.
Sept. 15, 2010, 9:46 pm
Amused from Georgia says:
@Or from Yellow Hook, we may sure as heck don't like what she's doing, but the fact she has the freedom and choice to do whatever she likes without condescending basement dwellers having control over her actually DOES mean she's empowered.

And thank god people like you don't have control over her body either.
Sept. 16, 2010, 7:34 pm
Louey from Tampa says:
thats crazy
Sept. 16, 2010, 7:54 pm
Ludy says:
Just incredible! but fun :-D
Dec. 27, 2010, 3:05 pm

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