November 23, 2010 / Brooklyn news / Meadows of Shame

What else should be illegal?

The Brooklyn Paper
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The Parks Department is considering making it illegal to feed the ducks in Prospect Park, ending a tradition that goes back generations. Here are some other traditional activities that should probably be banned, too:

• Breathing — It’s just creating too much carbon dioxide.

• Jumping in leaf piles — It’s cruel to twigs.

• Pick-up football — Overly stigmatizes the last-picked kid.

• Kite flying — Encourages children to stand around, burning no calories.

• Kickball — It’s really cruel to the ball.

• Frisbee — It could take an eye out.

• Picnicking — Crumbs are causing ant obesity epidemic.

• Reading the paper — Casts shadows that can kill microscopic grass mites.

• Bike riding — It’s called a “walk in the park” for a reason, folks. See also: Jogging.

• Painting — All images of Prospect Park are property of the Parks Department and cannot be reproduced or disseminated in any form.

• Bird watching — Could lead to dancing, which could lead to feeding.

• Executing hundreds of geese in the middle of the night — Popular with government officials, but always a bad public relations move.

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Reader Feedback

Or from Yellow Hook says:

Whatever Mayor For Life Mike doesn't like this week.
Nov. 23, 2010, 7:11 pm
PattyA from Manhattan says:
Other things on our Mayor's criminal hit list:

Mothers who bottle-feed babies. (The Mayor doesn't consider that some moms have to work.)

Any parent buying their kid soda pop. -- This despite previous generations growing up on the stuff.

Anyone lighting up a cigarette. --Worse than lepers!

The dogs and cats in our animal shelters. (Anyone see ABC news report last night on conditions in city animal shelters?)

Ah, the list indeed goes on and on.

Need to raise taxes in order to build more jails for all the new criminals -- including bird feeders.

Nov. 24, 2010, 8:51 am
PattyA from Manhattan says:
For those who missed the ABC Eyewitness report last night on our animal shelters:

Mayor ("I hate animals and moms who bottle-feed babies") Mike should get some calls from us at 311.
Nov. 24, 2010, 9:24 am
MB from WT says:
I shouldn't be laughing as it sad and true of this heartless mayor.

Thanks Gersh and Andy for tellin' it like it is.
Nov. 24, 2010, 11:03 am
Joey from Clinton Hills says:
it should illegal to close the ice rink for a whole year. Depressing and stupid.
Nov. 24, 2010, 1:13 pm
Liz from Park Sloper says:
Never fear, Joey,

I hear it will re-open in July.
Nov. 24, 2010, 1:54 pm

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