Today’s news:

Here’s a guy who really got smashed!

The Brooklyn Paper

Full plate

Four thugs smashed a man’s face with a glass bottle inside a Graham Avenue restaurant on April 18.

The victim told police that the group surrounded him at 1:10 am while he was drinking at the restaurant near Maujer Street, and beat him to a pulp. All four perps were arrested.

Laundry whip

Two thieves robbed and pistol-whipped a manager inside his own Laundromat on April 22.

The employee told police that two thugs entered the Broadway store at 1:40 am to purchase soap, but one pulled out a black firearm and shouted, “Don’t move!”

The thug smashed his face with the gun and removed $500 from his wallet before fleeing down Marcy Avenue.

Knifey spoony

A thug spoiled a man’s meal at a Metropolitan Avenue diner by stabbing him in the chest on April 24.

The thug cut up the man at 5:50 am, and then fled toward Rodney Street while the victim’s cousin took him to Woodhull Hospital where he was treated for his wound.

Roebbery

A thug punched out a man and smashed him into a glass partition before taking his wallet on Roebling Street and Broadway on April 19.

The victim told police that he was waiting for a bus at 4:15 am when the assailant hit him over the head and threw him against the bus stop. Then the perp grabbed his wallet from his hand and ran away.

Arm slash

A thief tried to steal a woman’s shoulder bag on Bedford Avenue, but slashed her boyfriend’s arm instead.

The victim told police that he and his girlfriend were near S. Second Street on April 19 at 1 am, when a man wearing a hooded sweatshirt tried to take the woman’s bag.

The boyfriend fought with the perp, who took out a knife and cut his arm instead.

Marcy robbery

Two thieves robbed a man on Broadway on April 18 as he was walking home from work.

The perps followed the man down Marcy Avenue at 11:30 pm, when they confronted him. One thief held his hand while the other grabbed the wallet, and then both fled the scene.

Bloody easy

A burglar tried to steal a laptop from a Bogart Street business on April 21, but he led police right to his hiding place.

Cops say that the man entered the building, near Scholes Street, at 12:05 am, but must have nicked himself on a broken window because drops of blood led police right to him.

Cops got an easy collar.

Big Driggs

A thief stole a computer from a S. Eighth Street apartment on April 21.

The tenant told police that he left his apartment near Driggs Avenue at 1:50 pm and returned to 12 hours later to find his front window ajar and his computer gone.

Craptop

A thief stole a laptop from a Metropolitan Avenue apartment overnight on April 17.

The tenant told police she left her apartment near Marcy Avenue at 5 pm, but when she retuned at 9 am the next day, her computer was gone.

Road report

At least three cars were attacked last week:

• A thief broke into a car near Bogart Street on April 18 and stole an iPhone. The driver told police that he had parked near McKibbin Street at 8:40 am and returned 12 hours later to find his window smashed and his phone gone.

• A thief stole an Audi on Lorimer Street on April 16. The driver told police he parked near Montrose Avenue at 1:30 am, but when he returned to his spot at 7:45 am that morning, it was missing.

• A thief stole a Toyota on Ainslie Street on April 20. The owner had parked near Bushwick Avenue at 11 pm, but it was gone by 1 pm the next day.

— Aaron Short

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