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Internet scams and urban legends

Carmine's lost his faith in the interweb!

for The Brooklyn Paper
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I’m madder than Sisyphus after that boulder he’s pushing rolled over his big toe over the fact that sometimes I have to do things more than once to get them right.

Look, you all know that ol’Carmine is a perfectionist, and, as such, I expect nothing less than perfection every time I do anything, be it write, speak, or buy Chinese food from that great place on 86th Street by Bay Parkway.

So you could imagine how surprised I was when my editor who understands me sent back this week’s column claiming that I — that means me — had fallen prey to some horrible interweb rumor.

Worse than that, he told me I had to re-write the whole darn thing if I wanted to get my picture in the paper again this week. I told him he was crazy and that there is no way the interweb would ever lie to me, and if he expected me to push that boulder back up the hill, he better prove to me beyond a reasonable doubt that I — that’s me — got it wrong.

So let the record show that there is a rumor going around on the internet that the government is doing something wrong. I don’t want to rehash the whole thing, but you can read about it online if you just look it up.

Now, I gotta write something quick, so I’m going to fall back on one of those time-honored sitcom tricks: I’m going to sit around the table with my lovely wife Sharon and talk with her about some of the great columns I’ve written in the past. And you guys can flashback to them in your head.

Hey Sharon, remember the one about the pooper-scooper law and the Relay for Life. Well it turns out those college girls raised $50,0000 at the Bergen Beach event. I bet my old pal Joe Guillette, who brought it to my attention, is proud of that.

Oh, and remember last week’s column, about the B64 bus rally? Well, that turned out to be a great success as well. There was a host of Transit Workers Union Local 100 members there, and it was covered by News 12. Harway Terrace residents and the local residents and businesses that were upset by the change also showed. Assemblyman William Colton and his special assistant Priscilla Consolo are to be credited for organizing the great turnout. And, of course, I should get some credit for screeching about it right in this space.

Sharon, do remember my piece on how it takes two people for me to teach tango? That was a real kneeslapper. Let’s reflect on that one for a while.

And remember when I wrote that column about how my good friend Anthony P. sent me those tips on how to save money just by asking for discounts? You don’t? Well then let me tell it to you again. What? You don’t want to hear it? Then stick these bananas in your ears because I’m going to tell it to you anyway.

See, he was waiting in line behind an older gentleman at a one of them fast food places. I don’t know which one it was, but I think he was going to get one of those Frostys or something, or possibly the chile. I love chile.

Well, whatever he was buying, he heard the guy in front of him ask for a senior discount. The girl at the register apologized and charged him less. When he asked the man what the discount was, he told him that “seniors” aged 55 and up get 10 percent off everything on the menu, every day.

Being of that age, he figured he might as well ask for the discount, too. And he got it!

That prompted him to do some research, and he came across a list of restaurants, supermarkets, department stores, travel agents, and other businesses that offer discounts for people who are, shall we say, somewhat older than other people.

Now, I can’t find that list on the interweb, but I bet it’s out there somewhere. And if I find it, I’ll think twice before writing about it, because you just can’t trust what you read on the interweb.

I learned that the hard way!

Screech at you next week!

Read Carmine's Screech every Sunday on BrooklynPaper.com. Or don't. E-mail him at DiegoVega@aol.com. Or not.

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Reader Feedback

Dave from Park Slope says:
Most "perfectionists" don't kick off their column with a typo in the very first word.
June 24, 2012, 10:02 am
SkyRoller from WrightHair says:
Sizzle, Ouch, Dave!

"I madder than Sisyphus..."

Dave 1 Carmine 0, but the show must go on, and as Rocky once said to Bullwinkle, "Now here's some music we can all really enjoy" as opposed to Sisyphus saying to Rocky, "Gee Rocky, those are some really big boulders you got there!"

Anyways, this week's BGM:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jC6D00OC6M&feature=related
June 24, 2012, 11:35 am
claudius from rome, ny says:
I, Santa Maria.
June 24, 2012, 11:49 am
claudius from rome, ny says:
Ok, seriously though..what the hell is this column about?
June 24, 2012, 11:52 am
ty from pps says:
Wait... so who's the editor around here these days?

He rejected some random rant-of-the-week, but allowed this incoherent rambling instead?

I preferred last Sunday's contribution by Carmine better. (if you don't recall, his contribution was sparing us his 'wisdom' for one week)
June 24, 2012, 2:50 pm
Jim from Cobble Hill says:
"chile" ≠"chili" ...even if you mess that up twice in the same paragraph. So much worse than Smartmom.
June 25, 2012, 1:51 pm
jj from gravesend says:
to Jim from Cobble Hill - I checked chile, chili, either is correct.
June 25, 2012, 4:51 pm
Jim from Cobble Hill says:
hey jj... no. Although "chile" is an accepted spelling (primarily in Mexico) The Wendy's Company, owners of the trademarked "Frosty" item referenced in the piece here, clearly spell their product as "chili," which is not hard to check.

If you are going to pull that nerdtastic fact-checking crap to defend this geriatric blog-post, then get ready to have it shoved back up your think you poop out of.
June 26, 2012, 10:06 pm
Stickler from Sticklerville says:
Jim,

The Wendy's company is an "it," not a "they."

Just saying'.
June 27, 2012, 11:28 am
Gopal Das from Albama says:
I think everybody should check out the Scam Detector app. I believe they're online as well.
June 30, 2012, 12:34 am

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