Carmine’s lament: I can’t ride the Carousell

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I’m madder than the guy takes the aisle seat next to me at the movie theater after I’ve had a lunch of pickles and a gallon of Sprite over the fact that I can no longer ride the merry-go-round in my beloved Coney Island because today’s spruced up horses say “Naaaaayyyy!” to my bulky frame.

Look, you all know that the ol’Screecher has had about a thousand too many corn dogs, Nathan’s hot dogs, meatball sandwiches, and quite frankly, those little weiner dogs I sometimes mistake for frankfurters, and as a result I’m a tinge overweight (no, I don’t eat them. But when I see them I get hungry and eat more hot dogs!).

And when I say a tinge, I actually mean that my legs can no longer support me, so I drive around on my trusty steed Tornado whenever I have to go to Nathan’s to get more hot dogs (but sometimes I have my lovely wife Sharon drive me).

But I digress. The fact of the matter is I don’t look back in anger, even though I know that whenever I go to Coney Island now, I can’t ride on the refurbished merry-go-round I loved so much as a kid.

Back then, I was the spittin’ image of ol’Adonis himself, and I would ride for free just based on my good looks — and the fact that I always caught the most rings, and that got you a free ride. That’s right! I’ve been winning long before Charlie Sheen came around.

So I was in great spirits when I hopped on Hurricane (Tornado is still being repaired) last week and headed over to Coney to check out the grand re-relighting Parachute Jump, Brooklyn’s Eyeful Tower (Don’t blame me, that’s how the spellcheck spells it! And I ain’t messing with the spellcheck!).

It seemed like everybody and his brother was there to see the new lights, and Borough President Markowitz threw the switch with Councilman Dominic Recchia, and the guy from Luna Park, Valerio Ferrari, who partnered in the spectacular event.

It was dark when I got there, but once they lit up the night, I saw my beautiful B&B Carousell, which was on Surf Avenue in its hey day, before being moved to Steeplechase Plaza, as part of fabulous new Luna Park.

I watched my long-lost cousin Frank Seddio trip over a non-illuminated step, which, when we spoke, he agreed was hazardous. I told him I saw seven people trip over it before him. So they gotta fix that.

It really was a delightful evening with the chorus of PS 90, whose school was ravaged by Hurricane Sandy (not my replacement scooter!), entertaining the huge crowd, before the fireworks and illumination ceremonies.

Now, I’m not a reporter and I didn’t take notes, but I can tell you that Councilman Recchia said the night again proved that Coney Island is coming back, and will continue to grow with an additional 600 jobs by the summer with additional rides and attractions that will restore Coney Island’s title of the Playground of the World. But don’t quote me on that.

Of course the best laid plans of mice and men gang aft aglay (the only Scotch words I know, beside Scotch tape) and the program originally planned for 8:30 pm, succumbed to the scores of elected officials, dignitaries, and community activists involved, not to mention the tireless staff of Luna Park working their butts off.

Unfortunately, my scooter Hurricane’s battery wasn’t as bright as the Carousell’s lights, and I opted to leave with my good friend Wendy, who also wanted to leave after two hours of meeting and speaking to old and new friends. Good thing we decided to leave together, because Hurricane’s battery was getting dimmer, and I just about made it home. Getting close to Friday Night Fireworks, we saw throngs of people coming to the Boardwalk and lots of traffic still coming in. So thanks, Wendy, for all the help you’ve given Sharon and me these past two hectic weeks. You’re a true friend.

Screech at you next week!

Read Carmine's screech every Sunday on E-mail him at

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Reasonable discourse

T-Bone from DoBro says:
I wonder what Jerome, um I mean Die Hipster thinks?
June 30, 2013, 1:34 am
diehipster from Actually from Brooklyn says:
Well T-Bone, what i think is this:
I don't really like this carousel. I only like the ones that have unicorns, not horses. The reason being that I like to strip down and ride the unicorn, the deeper inside me, the better. I feel so much better because my life is so pathetic, and here are a few examples of what I mean:
and here:

My mother's stinky infection is all i really have in life, that and the fact that she'll pass out from huffing paint so I get to finger her for a few hours. This is why I hate hipsters so much, jealousy. Hey, I'm man enough to admit it. OH BOY!!! Mother is home!! And she has gold spray on her face, dinner time! Like yah!
June 30, 2013, 10:07 am
Bruce from Coney Island says:
I am glad to see that they did spell Carousell right here. In the newspaper version, they left out the last 'L' WF Mangels, when he built his carousells, used the double L at the end.
June 30, 2013, 7:01 pm
Homey from Crooklyn says:
What a disgusting fatty.
July 1, 2013, 9:02 am
George C. Tilyou from Coney Island says:
Oh, the Merry-Go-Round broke down
And we went round and round
Each time t'would miss, we'd steal a kiss
And the Merry-Go-Round went
"Um-pah-pah, um-pah-pah
Um-pah! Um-pah! Um-pah-pah-pah!'
Oh, the Merry-Go-Round broke down
And it made the darndest sound,
The lights went low, we both said "Oh!"
And the Merry-Go-Round went
"Um-pah-pah, um-pah-pah
Um-pah! Um-pah! Um-pah-pah-pah!'
Oh what fun - a wonderful time
Finding love for only a dime.
Oh, the Merry-Go-Round broke down
But you don't see me frown
Things turned out fine and now she's mine -
Cause the the Merry-Go-Round went
"Um-pah-pah, um-pah-pah
Um-pah! Um-pah! Um-pah-pah-pah!"
Oh, the Merry-Go-Round broke down.
July 1, 2013, 10:25 am
o3 from bk says:
maybe mr die's gone off the deep end. and let ur mom know to only sniif the highest quality GOLD paint, not sum knock-off generic, muumkay ?
July 1, 2013, 11:19 am
Jim from Cobble Hill says:
So, Diehipster apparently has the intellect of a child... egging him on is like cruelty to animals. Seriously, he is not capable of the level of understanding required to do this. A to monkey is gonna fling its own poo, and Diehipster is always going to use the same argument for everything. One dimentional thinking should pittied.
July 1, 2013, 1:13 pm
diehipster from Actually from Brooklyn says:
Jim, you are 100% correct. I'm a pathetic loser, my mom lives off the system, and I live off/on her. Plus I take advantage of her when she's passed out. You should see the size of the bed sores around her buttocks, thighs, fupa, ankles, head, neck, back, and under her breasts. To be fair, first you have to clear the mung from under her breasts before the sores are visible. I lead a sad lonely life and it infuriates me when I see these cul de sac kids enjoying life. It's not fair so I will pretend to be tough on the internet, it makes me feel better.
July 1, 2013, 11:20 pm

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