Today’s news:

Carmine’s PO’d with the PO, but don’t say anything about it!

The Brooklyn Paper

I’m madder than a TV Guide subscriber with a broken clicker over the fact that I simply can’t have things both ways no matter how hard I try, and there doesn’t seem to be anybody or thing that can make exactly the things I want to do to get done by me or anybody else!

Look, you all know the ol’Screecher wants things just right, and that means I don’t gain weight or get agita or suffer from gout by overeating, I can get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night without issue, and that I never, ever, almost lose my life while taking a bath.

But as I stated in the lede, you can’t have it both ways, and that sage advice is especially true when it comes to my former employer, the Post Office.

Now, obviously, I’m not going to stop cashing the stipends I still get for my years delivering letters, bills, packages, and other junk to the beautiful people of Brooklyn for the absolute minimum amount of time before I qualified for a pension.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t screech about the poor service some of those very Brooklynites are presently receiving — and I would if it wasn’t for one thing!

Facts are facts, and the facts is everyone at last week’s meeting of my civic association with the worst acronym on the planet — BWECC! — is so upset with the non-existent service they are getting from the Postal “Service” that they could practically throw up. And they would probably start a petition or something if it wasn’t for one thing!

Now, I know exactly what you are thinking: “Carmine, you keep mentioning this ‘one thing,’ but you won’t tell us what it is. What could possibly keep you from screeching about your former employer?”

Well the answer is simple. Everybody at that meeting agreed that there were major problems with their Post Office, but that — and I’m not making a pun here — everybody loves Raymond, their beloved postal delivery man. And nobody wants to get anybody in any trouble.

Still, that doesn’t mean they weren’t “P.O.’d” with the “P.O.”, if you know what I mean. Wink wink.

Most of the people complained that they were mad about the fact that upon their return from the state of Florida after a winter avoiding the cold, they got a sack full of mail that included W-2 forms from the IRS, notices of unpaid bills, notices of cancellation of credit cards for non-payment of bills, notices of delivery of items never ordered (using credit cards never received), thank-you notices from charitable organizations, junk mail, six months of magazines and TV Guides etc., etc., ad infinitum.

And frankly, some of these snowbirds were a tad rude, not wanting to hear the representatives of Councilman Mark Treyger, state Senator Diane Savino, and the Chairman of Community Board 13 Eddie Mark give their reports on what was happening in the community, what was available from their offices, and coming events for the summer in Coney Island. Each distributed literature that was chock full of exciting info (the Screecher’s pro tip: a White Castle is coming to the Boardwalk!). Some of them didn’t even enjoy the fine coffee brewed by Erica, or the donuts provided by our pals at Entenmann’s .

I succumbed to their dirty looks, and opened the meeting having Linda, BWECC’s secretary, read three letters I received from the Post Office explaining a new service instituted when mail is retrieved that was partially shredded by I don’t know what. They send the copy of the contents (in this case checks, that they white out info for security reasons) back to the sender. Then having opened Pandora’s box, a tsunami of complaints overwhelmed the room. Too bad the Post Office Customer Service Lady (I believe that is an official title) who gave us the complaint forms couldn’t be there, being a staff of one. However, I mentioned that she would scrutinize each complaint form and answer it.

Of course, I don’t know how she going to respond to the complaint of lack of postal etiquette, or a complaint of not receiving a “Hello” back from the postman after a courteous resident offered a “Good morning!” (Well, she may be right, a friendly hello and a smile could brighten up day, to we who are about to be deluged with bills).

At Harway Terrace, management has cleverly put underneath the residents’ directory a circular filing system, where they can forward their junk mail, circulars, solicitations, bills and unopened first class mail straight into the garbage. It’s always overfilling. Two sisters who usually order online from were very upset that their orders not only did not only arrive on time, but never arrived at all!

Screech at you next week

Read Carmine's screech every Sunday on E-mail him at

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Reader Feedback

John Wasserman from Prospect Heights says:
"Look, you all know the ol’Screecher wants things just right, and that means I don’t gain weight or get agita or suffer from gout by overeating, I can get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night without issue, and that I never, ever, almost lose my life while taking a bath."

I'm sorry, but I am having a little bit of trouble with this strange Carmine speak.
June 2, 4:18 pm
Vito from boro park says:
Come on Carmine you know most of these people never put in a forwarding order. It takes less than a minute to fill one out.
As a former postal employee, at your board meetings you should educate your neighbors.
June 3, 9:44 am
Jim from Cobble Hill says:
Wohn Josserman is a moron with a boner for lint (he has a very disturbing fixation ...seriously I think he fuccks it when no one is around). So he should be sorry.

I've never had a problem with mail. Actually I ordered something from Amazon on Saturday and it showed up on Tuesday. Right to the door. So... I have a feeling that "Carmie" has no idea how to address an envelope or mail a fuccking letter, despite having been a postal worker.
June 5, 1:21 am

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