Hipster-baiting may seem to be at a fever pitch, it’s actually been around forever. Indeed, once man could speak, man could criticize — all the more so if wolf sweaters were involved. Below, crucial moments in hipster history:
1700 BC: Calling Abraham “derivative,” Hammurabi authors own batch of stories
372 BC: Plato taunted for majoring in philosophy.
33: A bearded philosopher is killed near what is current day Jerusalem.
1775: Drummer boy in Continental Army put in stocks for arriving to war 30 minutes late.
Nov. 2, 2002: Last non-pejorative use of term “hipster.”
March, 2011: The Bushwick Trailer Park, a group of 20 artists living in modified trailers in an empty parking lot, is disbanded; the artists regroup inside a nearby warehouse, but they’re evicted a month later and — under the auspices of the Red Cross — given temporary shelter at the Sunset Park Days Inn.
March 14: “Hipster traps” — animal trap replicas with American Spirit cigarettes, neon Wayfarer sunglasses, a bike chain, and a Pabst Blue Ribbon can as bait — are spotted across North Brooklyn and the East Village.
April 13: Unicycle activist and Brooklyn juggler Kyle Petersen, who is suing the city of New York for ticketing him on his unicycle, is dubbed “The Enemy Within” by Stephen Colbert.
Mid-April: Vinnie’s Pizzeria in Williamsburg posts a “Help Wanted” sign on its window, barring applications from band members, artists, and anyone who “just wants to work a few weeks before [going] off to Europe.”
April 19: The state Health Department places kickball (as well as Wiffle Ball and Freeze Tag) on a list of potentially hazardous activities requiring further regulation; after protests, the effort is abandoned.
April 22: CNN reports the results of a poll conducted by techie site, Hunch.com, on differences between Mac and PC users, claiming that Mac users “prefer designer or vintage duds, hummus, red wine, indie films, The New York Times and … San Pellegrino Limonata.”
May 11: Metro stokes the indignation of its readers with the front page question: “Hipsters to blame for billions of dollars in Census losses?”
— Adam Rosen