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Mellencamps are surging! Former champs poised for kickball greatness

The Brooklyn Paper
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The second round of the playoffs is set and the former champions are in!

Last year’s defending champions, the John Cougar Mellencamps, continued their late-season winning streak, euthanizing the eighth-seeded Lobos, 2–0, to advance to the quarterfinals.

The Mellencamps scored all their runs in the bottom of the first inning off two errors, after captain Paul “Look Through The” Kehoe hit a sharp grounder to third which was bobbled by infielder Jesse “Brandy” Alexander. A runner on third advanced and Kehoe came around to score in the ensuing errant throws.

On Monday night, the Mellencamps learned that they will face Never Scared, Crucial Taunt and the Pony Boys in its quarterfinals division next weekend.

League Commissioner Kevin “Commish” Dailey reseeded the remaining quarterfinal teams, awarding the Mellencamps the third seed due to its recent play. Never Scared received the second seed, while Crucial Taunt was given the sixth, and the Pony Boys earned the seventh slot.

“This seeding was based on everything we know about the teams, and I consulted many people about this matter,” said Dailey. “As I noticed from playing [the Mellencamps] the other night, all of their core players were present, such as Shirtless, Priest, Zach, Paul, Elena, Stephanie, and Kristen, and to my knowledge, none of them was nursing injuries or past his or her prime.”

In the other likely bracket, Majesty shut out the seventh-ranked Mathletes, 3–0, in a tense, defensive match.

Majesty, perched atop the league’s standings for nearly 10 weeks of the season, struck first with a run in the first inning, and clamped down on the Mathletes with superior defense.

The team of kings added two runs in the fifth, with perfect kickball calculus, continuing Majesty’s reign in the playoffs — at least for another weekend.

The team of kings, which earned the eighth seed, will face divisional matchups against top-seeded Brooklyn United, fourth-seeded New Frontiersmen, and fifth-seeded Bacon Bits.

Each team will play three games next weekend and the two teams with the highest point totals will advance to the final four.

The teams making up last year’s final four is intact, as Never Scared, the Mellencamps, Brooklyn United and the Frontiersmen all have looked impressive.

But Pony Boys’ Jason “Einhorn” Finkel thinks his team Brooklyn United and the Mellencamps are playing the best kickball in September.

“Watch out for the John Cougar Mellencamps,” said Finkel. “I think the New Frontiersmen will choke and I think Brooklyn United will play as good as they’ve played. The thing about BU is that they exemplify the fundamentals of kickball.”

Is there any nobler thing?

Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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