Stan likes to tell you what he hates

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You’ve read about many of the things I like in this space, but here are some that I don’t like:

• Whatever happened to theater etiquette? The last time I went to a show, the man next to me was dressed as if he just got back from a camping trip. He was dirty, smelly, and wearing just a sweatshirt and jeans. And the nasty lady in front of him was wearing so many metal bracelets on her arms, they jingled every time she moved. Her friend who was sitting in front of me made crinkling noises when she unwrapped her candy. And many of the women in the red hats refused to remove them. That led to a shouting match at about 15 minutes into the show. I especially don’t like that young woman a few rows behind us who, instead of applauding, screamed bloodcurdling screams that would shatter glass. I paid a lot of money for my tickets and I don’t particularly like those rude, selfish, inconsiderate folks who were sitting around me.

• I don’t like it when friends sit at my desk and pass the time away by making paper clip chains. It’s a PITA [pain in the ask me no questions] taking them apart when I need a few.

• I don’t like the thoughtless person at the supermarket who pays by check and then holds up the line while she stands there for a good three or four minutesbalancing her checkbook. Get a bank card, lady!

• I also dislike people who block the aisles in supermarkets. After I politely say “Excuse me,” they snap “What’s your hurry?” I usually respond (again, politely), “The reason for my haste is really none of your concern, but you are keeping me from getting there. Now, may I please pass?”

• I don’t particularly care for some of the rules people set without a good reason. For years I’ve been told that I can’t wear white after Labor Day. Why not? Are they afraid I will blend in with the snow and will not be seen? Here’s another that I don’t understand: Oenophiles (yeah, look it up) are now telling us that we can’t drink white wine after Labor Day. So tell me, what will happen if I do?

• I don’t like the old friends who showed up at the restaurant a half hour early and sat at the bar drinking. When I arrived on time they told the bartender, “Add the tab to the table.” How often did they do that? Just once.

• I don’t like restaurants that take reservations and make me wait at the bar for 30 minutes before bringing me to a table. If you don’t honor your reservations, don’t take them.

• I do not like restaurants with dirty bathrooms. The men’s room at the wedding I attended recently in Brooklyn made me think — if the restroom is dirty what can I expect from the kitchen? And no! I didn’t eat.

• I don’t like that recorded message, “Please hold on. Your call is important to us … yada, yada, yada.” If my call really IS important, you would hire more help. Hiring another employee can be costly. Not hiring one may chase my business elsewhere — and that can be more costly!

• I don’t like the way young employees dismiss me with the word “Whatever.” If they don’t want to discuss my sincere, polite request, I’ll take my business elsewhere.

I am and I do like you … even when you disagree with me. Because without you, I’m not here.

Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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