Stan cleans out his pockets

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Every two weeks, when I pick up my clothing from the dry cleaners, I get a dirty look from the gal behind the counter. I don’t like her.She staples those little numbered tags right inside the crotch of my pants but never closes that staple tight. Ouch!

Every time I empty my pockets I find some of my thoughts scribbled on little scraps of paper. Here’s a couple I unwrapped recently:

• The worst words to an intelligent shopper are “from” and “up to” as in that teensy tiny print that says “up to” before a very large “90 PERCENT OFF.”

• Why are some people so upset about violating the rights of a pedophile? Why don’t they have the courage to express their views to the daddy of the 6-year-old who was raped before she was murdered?

• I HATE it when they refer to dirty movies as “adult entertainm­ent.” It makes it appear that everyone over 21 years old watches pornography.

• Here’s a quote that the right will keep alive, especially before every Election Day: “After years of historic deficits, this 110th Congress will commit itself to a higher standard — Pay as you go— NO NEW DEFICIT SPENDING!”

• Then-Speaker Pelosi did her share to increase the national debt by $5 trillion. Five TRILLION! Her term as speaker added more debt than the first 100 congresses … combined! And some of you still wonder why she was named the least popular political person in America.

• With my hand over my heart I said, “Thank you for your service,” to the man in uniform. With a salute and a smile he responded, “Thank you for your support.”

• • •

It is said that every single day of the year, somewhere on this planet, there are entertainers performing some of the songs of Jerry Herman’s “Hello Dolly.” In the show, Dolly Levi is referred to as a “wonderful woman.” In real life, so is Ellen “Dolly” Hayes. One year ago, this week, we saluted Ms. Hayes on her 100th birthday. Right now, as you read this, our favorite Las Vegas resident is celebrating birthday number 101. The entire staff of this newspaper joins me in saying “Hello Dolly.” We wish you a great big happy birthday.

• • •

With my Jets out of it, I had no real interest in who won the Super Bowl. I did, however, feel a bit of allegiance to the Packers. By beating the Bears in the playoffs, they saved us a lot of money. Before the Chicago-Green Bay game, my president said that if his hometown Bears won the playoffs, he would attend the Super Bowl. Had he gone, he would have flown on Air Force One at about 65 grand an hour. Then there’s the great big entourage, the limousines, and, of course, the tripling of the number of Secret Service agents. By not going, we, the taxpayers, saved a lot of money.

I am asking you to root with me, for the next two years, against the Bulls, the Blackhawks, the White Sox and the Cubs. Let’s go Mets!

Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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