Oh, how we miss you Charlie Sheen

A moment, then poof! Charlie's gone again

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Men, men, men, manly men, men, men…” Ah, — if only for a moment.

Serendipity, as defined by, is “an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.” So it was with serendipity that I caught the one shining moment on “Two and Half Men” this past Monday, (I actually did read that Charlie was coming back, but had forgotten about it until I saw it on the tube).

While channel-surfing during commercials of “Eureka,” I happened to land on CBS and viewed the one noteworthy scene in the whole season — Charlie Harper’s return, albeit only in the form of Kathy Bates.

Alan, the deceased Charlie Harper’s brother and current roomie of Walden Schmidt, is recovering from a mild heart-attack and is in the hospital. As Alan lay in bed, he gets a visit from big bro Charlie. But it’s not Charlie Sheen, it’s Bates dressed in Charlie’s black and white striped bowling shirt and tan baggy shorts, smoking Charlie’s cigar and dishing out Charlie’s usual brand of brutal but oh-so-funny honesty. Charlie-Bates blasts Alan for being a parasite and tells him it’s time to move on and get a place of his own. Bates was so spot-on that, just for a second, I actually imagined that it was Charlie Sheen, fresh from hell, dropping his ashes in Alan’s hand and showing off his who-who before blinking out. If the shining moment only lasted longer, but alas the four-minute byte blipped out and faded into memory faster than the Lady Morgaine passing through the “Mists of Avalon” in Marion Zimmer Bradley’s book of the Arthurian legend. Such sweet sorrow — never to be seen again.

Bitter, bitter sadness and bile. Not even returning to “Eureka” with Jack saving the crew with the help of Dr. Beverly Barlow, no less, could lift the pall, lighten my spirits, and brighten my heavy heart.

Serendipity, what cruel fate to bring me to such heights, only to drop me into the abyss of despair and smash my revere. As I returned to Jack, I was forced to accept the unavoidable fact that tiger blood no longer flowed through the set of “Two and Half Men.” The life force has been replaced by watered down plasma leaving only an empty shell in its wake. Oh, how I miss Charlie.

Not for Nuthin™ please disconnect life support. It’s long past-due. Watching this sham of a show, even for a brief, bright moment, was just too much to bear.

Joanna DelBuono writes about national issues — and television — every Wednesday on E-mail her at
Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019: Updated to correct mistake on actress playing Charlie Harper it was Kathy Bates not Conchata Ferrell.
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