If you’re having a cake contest, Carmine better be the judge!

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I madder than a seven-year-old who has to sit around with no gifts or nothing on his brother’s sixth birthday over the fact that it is not my birthday every day, and I’m not routinely lavished with presents.

Look, you all know that the ol’Screecher is deserving of everything that he’s got coming to him and then some, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t be gracious when I am bestowed with an honor that is truly fitting (which is usually on a daily basis).

So, while it is no surprise that my good pal Joe Gillette has named yours truly as a judge in this year’s first-ever Best Birthday Cake in Brooklyn contest, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t thank him — and let him know that he couldn’t have picked a better judge for such a contest.

Now, I don’t need to tell you that I’ve been eating my own birthday cakes — some baked by my saint of a mother, and others by my lovely wife Sharon, some from those guys at Entermann’s, and still others from pros like my pals at this week’s shameless plug, Bread Plus, right around the corner on Harway Avenue near Bay 50th Street — for as long as I can’t remember. And I’ve already told you, repeatedly, about all the birthday parties I’ve been to where candles were blown out just as my Access-A-Ride was showed up to take me home so I had to take my slice to go.

So, clearly, there is no better choice for birthday cake judge — both professional and amateur cakes — than the president of PPP (Pleasingly Plump Peoples), and I’ll return the favor by making sure everybody knows about this year’s Relay for Life by cutting and pasting the information he e-mailed me into this week’s column.

So here’s a breakdown about how it will go down in his own words (with some edits by me to make me look good):

“Hi Carmine,

“You are awesome.

“Thank you so much for agreeing to be one of our Celebrity Cake Tasters at the Bergen Beach, Mill Basin, and Marine Park Relay for Life.

“This is our second annual Relay for Life here in Bergen Beach, Mill Basin, and Marine Park. Last year, with your help, we raised more than $60,000 for the American Cancer Society. We expect to surpass that this year. This year our event is being held over a two-day period, Saturday June 1 beginning at 5 pm, until Sunday June 2 at 9 am. This is the first time we are holding an overnight Relay, so to keep everybody awake, Brooklyn Roasting Company will also be providing coffee for the overnight. The event will finish up with a pancake breakfast Sunday morning.

“Our event is free to the public and will include activities for all ages. There will be a luminaria ceremony at sunset on Saturday led by the world-renowned FDNY Pipe and Drum Band, we will have a survivors reception with food donated by your pals the El Caribe, where you held your awards dinner a few weeks back. We will also be trying to set the world record for the largest midnight Zumba class that night, which should help us burn off some cake calories. The event will be held at the JM Community Center at 2350 Bergen Ave. at Avenue X in Bergen Beach.”

Now, back to my writing.

In case you don’t know how and when I first met Joe Gillette, it is an interesting story that needs to be told and retold. He was a young attorney working for the law firm of Santangelo, Santangelo, and Cohen, and I was only 200 pounds. I was their mailman and convinced them to take a pro bono case for Larry Cututta who co-founded the Brooklyn Kite Club with me. Yes, indeed, I founded the Brooklyn Kite Club. Larry received a ticket from a police helicopter for flying his kite too high. The helicopter actually landed near Bay Eighth street on the Belt Parkway to issue the summons. The story made all the headlines in all the papers and was the top story on the TV news. But Bernie Cohen’s firm succeeded in court and the judge stipulated there were no limits as to how high kites can be flown. If you don’t remember, you probably didn’t read all about this in my column last year.

Anyway, I’ll be there and I hope you will come too. It’s for a great cause: to fight cancer!

Anyone interested in any of the events or attending the survivor receptions can find out more details by going to, or by calling Nancy Colt at (718) 622–2492 ext 5134.

Screech at you next week!

Read Carmine's screech every Sunday on E-mail him at
Updated 10:10 pm, July 9, 2018
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Reasonable discourse

o3 from bk says:
try writing about sports carmine. think of it - you'd get credentials & handicapped access plus the storylines would...take the cake!
April 29, 2013, 6:52 am
John Wasserman from Windsor Terrace says:
Ha ha ha! That was a good one, o3! Kudos for another superb article to you sir. Pardon me.
April 29, 2013, 12:32 pm
Joey from Red hook says:
Take me to your leader!
May 1, 2013, 12:43 pm

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