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Stan teaches lessons learned the hard way

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Congratulations and best of luck to you, the Class of 2013. At your graduation you will hear some beautiful words of wisdom. Listen well. I’ve made many graduation speeches, and I won’t bore you with the same old yada yada, but I will offer you just a few words that you will not hear at your closing exercises

In every class there is one young man who wears thick glasses, scores the highest test marks, doesn’t have much of a personality, is frail built and rather shy. It would be nice if you gentlemen didn’t hurt his feelings by calling this little guy a nerd to his face. I really hope you were nice to him because some day you may be working for him.

And you young ladies, when he finally got up enough nerve to ask one of you to the prom, was it really necessary for you to laugh in his face and call him names? You could have told him nicely that you already have a date. You may learn the definition of the word “regret” down the road when you hear that this very shy little man with the big brain is the next Bill Gates.

• • •

Whenever I see members of our military, I salute them with a hand over my heart and I thank them for their service. Walmart is now doing the same. Effective at once, Walmart will offer a job to any veteran who was honorably discharged within the past 12 months. This patriotic deed is just one more reason why I love shopping there.

But every time I ever mention Walmart, I receive letters from readers telling me all about the corporation’s position on unions. I am very well aware of what unions have accomplished in the United States. I am also aware, as the former owner of 10 different businesses, of the pendulum of power pushing a bit farther than necessary toward the workforce. As long as its prices are low, the service is super-great, and the return policy is ultra-fantastic, I will continue to shop there, no matter what you say.

• • •

Everybody knows that one of the dirtiest things we touch is the handle on the shopping cart. It is touched by many dozens of shoppers, and their hands are not as clean as ours. Right? That’s why most supermarkets have a container of antiseptic wipes just as we enter the store. Watch carefully and you will notice almost every shopper pull out two of the wet cloths, one for the handle, and one for her hands.

No good, my friends. Not enough. Have you ever given any thought to how dirty the inside of the basket is? Probably not. If you did, you would pull out those wipes by the handful. Give some thought to the tots that are getting a free ride around the store while mommy is shopping. They frequently do what little kids do and make that basket highly unsanitary. Pity the next person who uses that cart.

Today I saw something that I never thought about. I pulled a cart from the parking lot and noticed some white, cheesy stuff in the basket. “What could this be?” I asked the young man who was bringing some of those carts into the store. Without saying a word he smiled and pointed to the birds hovering overhead. I am StanGershbein@Bellsouth.net suggesting that besides cleaning the handle you might want to grab more than just a handful of the wipes to remove pigeon poop.

Read Stan Gershbein's column every Monday on BrooklynDaily.com.
Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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