Stan’s pockets are loaded with notes

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Spring is here and before I send my winter garments to the dry cleaners I empty my pockets. The following is from the many scraps of paper and backs of envelopes that have accumulated therein.

There’s been lots of negative criticism of the movie “Noah.” I haven’t yet seen it, but I think this may be one more case where the book was better than the flick.

Take a good look at the photo of Harry Reid that’s been circulating on the net lately. That is Chuck Schumer over his right shoulder. The big gag from Washington to New York is that the most dangerous place to stand in America is between Senator Schumer and a camera. Hey there Senator Reid. Watch out!

Everybody recognizes the AFLAC duck but very few of us know what AFLAC means. I asked 20 adults. About half said that it has something to do with insurance but not one person could tell us what the letters stand for. Without looking it up, do you? No cheating.

Many years ago when the server placed the check on the table, it was up to us to calculate how large a tip to leave. Then someone had the great idea to do the numbers and on the bottom of the bill he printed “Suggested gratuity” – 15 percent and 18 percent with the dollar amounts filled in for us. A few years ago I noticed the suggested amounts were 15 percent, 18 percent or 20 percent. Today, for the third time in as many weeks I saw 18 percent, 20 percent and 22 percent. What’s next? How about we skip 24 and go straight to 25.

I just saw the following bumper sticker on a brand new white Lexus:

“In God we trust. Deal with it!”

Speaking of God, Easter and Passover are around the corner and with those holidays come the many requests for contributions to charities. Before you write that next check you might want to see if the charity you are sending your hard-earned dollars to is legitimate. The people at the Charity Navigator rate hundreds of not-for-profit organizations on the strength of their finances, fund-raising expenses, and the transparency of their operations. The best of them receive four stars. Go to and enter your favorite recipient. You may be shocked to learn the downside of some of America’s best known organizations.

I learned a new word last week. It was from a man who is a member of a fairly new religion. He calls himself a Pastafaria — that’s Pastafarian with a “P,” not an “R.” It has something to do with spaghetti, linguini, rigatoni, and penne, and instead of wearing a hat, members of his temple wear colanders on their heads. I am sure that you don’t believe me, so I’m asking you to please google the word. I am warning you that if you decide to pray with a Pastafarian, you are not to end your prayer with an “Amen.” You close by softly saying “Ramen.”

Read Stan Gershbein's column every Monday on
Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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