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It was a week ago today that Carmine went to Walmarts

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I’m madder than Burgess Meredith when he dropped his glasses in that classic episode of the “Twilight Zone” over the fact that when I had time enough at last to sit down and read something recently, I accidentally on purpose picked up the Daily Snooze, and I’ll never let that mistake happen ever again!

Look, you all know the ol’Screecher sets aside a certain amount of time every Sunday for my weekly bath and newspaper reading, with me either reading it to myself before I get into the bath, or me having it read to me by my lovely wife Sharon (who, incidentally, reads me “Goodnight Moon” every night at bed time, and will continue to do so until I figure out what that book is all about!).

I told Sharon to turn to the Brooklyn section so I could hear what was going on in the neighborhood, and she yelled back at me “Carmine, I told you before, the Brooklyn section doesn’t exist anymore! Wouldn’t you like to hear about all the stuff happening in the world of sports, or learn about the latest tragedy? Or, I can show you pictures of this model. Or that model. Or this model over here?” Sheesh, they’ve got models up the Great Gazoo (who, by the way, looks like a green George Jetson!).

But the worst news I read about this week was the fact that Mayor DeBlasio is going to run for re-election. Of course, the Screecher being the Screecher, I’ll chalk this up to the most interesting non-news I’ve heard in a week. But I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t complain about it anyway!

Well, enough of attacking his honor and allow me to attack the most obnoxious lying and totally uncaring greeter in the Walmarts dynasty. Easter Sunday Sharon and I were invited to dinner at my daughter Dana’s home in Long Island, where my son-in-law Michael astounds us with his culinary talents and ability to make so much food he could have two less fortunate countries that will remain nameless together.

Sharon and I brought a ton of goodies from (this week’s shameless plug) Bread Plus on Harway Avenue and Bay 50th Street. Let me preface what I just said by saying I went to my brother-in-law Leo’s 91st Birthday party and spent the night there enjoying family sans my bride who didn’t feel well. Do you recall the weatherman’s forecast of gloom and doom and fog and rain, which once again never happened despite what those sadistic meteorologists hoped for? Well, I drove Tornado, who still has on his white holiday lights so we can be seen driving through the predicted fog. With delicious goodies and strawberry birthday shortcake from Bread Plus, I knew I had to bring one to Easter Sunday dinner, but, I made a mental note that I wanted unglazed strawberries on the cake, strawberries being sweet enough. Everybody that tasted that cake went wild over the delicious whipped cream.

Now, we will get to the Walmarts’ lying greeter. Walmarts was the only business we saw that was opened Easter Sunday on the way to Dana’s.

Apparently, Dana also had to work that morning and would not be home until 3 pm. Not wanting to keep the strawberry shortcake in the car for three hours, we made a slight detour to Dana’s to drop off the cake and went to Walmarts in Farmingdale on Route 110. There was very little traffic and we made it in 40 minutes. We shopped to our heart’s content spending $145.00.

Look, when we visit our kids in Long Island, we can’t take Tornado because our car doesn’t have a lift to put him in and he would take most of the room in the rear, leaving very little space for our shopping, unlike Target’s at Erskin Street, which rarely has enough scooters working or available, which I’ve written columns on in the past

It would have been a perfect Easter Sunday had it not been for that liar who wouldn’t let me take the disabled shopping scooter I was in to our car. I told her repeatedly that I wasn’t able to walk because I routinely take in more calories than I expend, and she continued to lie in a loud obnoxious way. I told her to call a supervisor, and when the supervisor approached she yelled to her that the carts are not allowed to leave the store, which, according to the assistant general manager I complained to the next morning, was an outright lie. He said everybody takes out those handicap carts to the parking lot to pick up their disabled passengers. Meanwhile, I filled him in on the nice young greeter Joe, who couldn’t believe the commotion she was making, until she realized she had to go on her break.

Boy, was she lucky!

Screech at you next week!

The Brooklyn Paper is still seeking a Carmine replacement. John Wasserman has sent his ideas, have you? E-mail us at ReplaceCarmine@cnglocal.com.

Read Carmine's screech every Sunday on BrooklynPaper.com until futher notice. E-mail him at diegovega@aol.com.
Posted 9:09 am, April 12, 2015
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