This weekend, learn that love is a lie and we all die alone.
On the day before Valentine’s Day, a Park Slope comedian will attempt to shatter the unions of obnoxious lovebirds by pitting them against each other in a cynical spin on classic dating shows. But the harbinger of broken hearts swears she has nothing against Cupid, just the sickening people who parade their romance in front of lonely singles.
“I don’t hate love,” said Carly Filbin, who will host “Let Me Break You Up” at Pete’s Candy Store in Williamsburg on Feb. 13. “I just hate everyone who has it when I don’t.”
During the faux game show, Filbin will grill two couples on potentially bicker-triggering trivia to show them just how wrong they are for each other. Her arsenal includes such disorienting questions as “What is your partner’s most annoying habit?” “When is your anniversary?” and “If your sex life was a candy bar, what candy bar would it be?”
Contestants must answer the questions solo, then compare answers to discover how hollow and disappointing their relationship truly is. The couple with the least points at the end of the game must break up live on stage, says Filbin, a process that involves locking eyes and saying (among other solemn vows) “I do not love you. And I am currently picturing other people naked.”
The comedian insists the show is all in good fun, and that no hearts have actually been broken in her quest to turn her bitterness into laughs — in fact, some couples have said afterwards that it brought them closer together.
“It is a comedy show,” she said. “I’m not a monster.”
Filbin has staged the anti-dating show monthly since last summer, but she is particularly thrilled to drive couples apart so close to the holiday most loathed by sad singles everywhere.
“I think this show coming up is really special because it’s right before Valentine’s Day, and I can take my bitterness out on couples,” she said. “And I’m really, really excited to do it.”
“Let Me Break You Up: An Anti-Dating Gameshow” at Pete’s Candy Store [709 Lorimer St. between Richardson and Frost streets in Williamsburg, (718) 302–3770, www.petes