This time around, the undead left me unscared

The zombies are here, but where’s the fear?

“The Walking Dead” (otherwise known as me on a Monday morning) premiered on AMC on Halloween. It was okay. Maybe the undead looked too Hollywood or I’ve just grown accustomed to the whole zombie genre, but there was no fear. I guess it’s because I think it is missing something.

Hello? Can someone tell me why there are never any zombie animals? What gives? Are animals immune to the zombie bug, or are they digested way before they can turn? Speaking of which, do zombies ever need to use the loo or take a nap? It’s a topic that’s never touched upon.

I don’t know why, but zombies in living color don’t illicit the fear factor they did when they were filmed in black and white. I watched and waited for that moment that I would hide my eyes, cringe in fear and let out a yelp, but it never came. I cringed alright, but it had nothing to do with being scared. The undead were deadly boring.

The newest incarnation of the undead didn’t jump start the heebie-jeebies response I’d hoped for, especially since its air date was on Halloween. It should have been extra special scary, don’t you think? There I was, the lights out, my hand poised over a bucket of left-over Halloween candy waiting for my heart to pound, my skin to crawl, my breath to come in short shallow bursts and blood curdling screams to bubble through my lips. But by the end of the hour the only thing that hit my lips were several Twix bars, two or three Laffy Taffys and a package of Gummy Life Savers (my personal favorites). No screams, no heart pounding. No shallow breath.

George Romero’s “Night of the Living Dead” is 32 years old and was made on a shoestring, but it still frightens the daylights out of me. I can be walking on a bustling street in the middle of a bright sunny day and the minute I think about the line, “They’re coming to get you Barbara,” the sky turns dark, my blood runs cold, and I wish I had a machete stashed in my back pocket.

Not for nuthin’ but “The Walking Dead” only bored me to death — not scared me there.

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