Fake money stolen!

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A beer-loving perp assaulted a bodega clerk and then stole fake money off the store’s wall before running away on Feb. 26.

The action started at 3 pm, when the thug entered the bodega, on Fifth Avenue between Carroll Street and Garfield Place, and promptly grabbed a beer bottle from the fridge.

But he wasn’t drinking; instead, he ran behind the counter, smashed the worker with the bottle and tried to open the register.

Failing this, he grabbed congratulatory cash off the wall behind the counter.

“It’s fake!” said the clerk, but the thug didn’t care, grabbing the $5 and $100 bills before fleeing on a bike.

Gang banged

An 11th Street man was pummeled and mugged by a gang of four in broad daylight on Feb. 28 — but the fearsome foursome was soon collared, cops said.

The 46-year-old victim told cops that he was walking on 10th Street between Seventh and Eighth avenues at around 2:15 when the gang — all boys, ages 15 to 17 — attacked from behind.

After bashing him about the head and nose, the pack stole $80, various credit and debit cards, an iPod and a cellphone.

Police arrested four suspects, but details were not available.

Worldly unwise

A high-flying United Nations employee was robbed at gunpoint inside her Degraw Street apartment as she returned home on Feb. 27.

The 36-year-old Portuguese citizen told cops that she had almost gotten inside her building, which is between Fourth and Fifth avenues, at around 10:30 pm when a 5-foot-6, 150-pound man approached, pulled a gun and said, “Just give me the bag and don’t move.”

She complied with the demand and handed over the bag, which contained her UN identification card, her Belgian driver’s license, $200, a cellphone and her iPod.

The perp fled and was not found during a canvas of the area, cops said.

Big burglary

A thief hauled off more than $6,500 in jewelry, computers and electronics from two Sixth Street apartments during the day on Feb. 28.

The first tenant, a 30-year-old woman, told cops that she wasn’t home between 11:20 am and 5:30 pm, when the thief broke in through the kitchen window of the fourth-floor apartment, which is at 13th Street.

With no one home to stop him, the thug grabbed a 19-inch flat-screen TV, a Playstation gaming system, a valuable gold crucifix and a gold ring.

The other tenant, across the hall, told cops she lost a laptop, a cellphone, a $2,000 watch and a diamond necklace and bracelet.

Somehow, the perp got all of the goods out of the building without being seen by neighbors, cops said.

Love lost

Here’s the latest example of why you should always be careful whom you bring home after a night of drinking and dancing.

An 11th Street man told cops that his bank account was depleted of more than $2,100 by a woman he brought home after carousing at a Manhattan nightclub on March 1.

When the 34-year-old man woke up the next morning, the woman — and his debit card — were gone from the apartment, which is between Eighth Avenue and Prospect Park West.

A quick check of his bank account showed something else missing: $2,163, cops said.

He described the woman as 27 years old, 5-foot-5, 125 pounds with long black hair.

As with all identity thefts in the 78th Precinct, Det. Tony Shy is on the case.

Bling ding

More than $40,000 in fancy jewelry — including a $12,000 Bulgari ring — was swiped out of the safe in a President Street apartment sometime between Feb. 15 and Feb. 25.

The victim, a 38-year-old woman of ample means, told cops that she didn’t notice the crime until she opened her safe and discovered the missing bling.

She also told cops that the key to the safe is always kept in a hallway closet, making this safe-cracking a little easier than the ones in the movies.

In all, the thief got $40,407 in rocks and gold from the unit, which is between Seventh and Eighth avenues.

Eating them

Thieves hit three restaurants and one nightclub in the past two weeks, cops said.

In the first case, a popular Seventh Avenue Italian wine bar was broken into sometime after closing on Feb. 19. The thief or thieves got only paychecks and W-2 forms, a precursor to a future identity theft.

The next day, the owner of a Fifth Avenue restaurant told cops that when he opened his eatery, which is at the corner of Third Street, at 4:30 am, he discovered that the front door had been broken into and a cash box was missing.

Cops did not reveal how much money was taken in the early morning theft.

Three days later, a Fifth Avenue nightclub lost a cash register and $700 to thieves who broke in sometime after the 5 am closing at the club, which is between Lincoln and Berkeley places.

Another Fifth Avenue joint was also broken into on Feb. 29. This time, the thief or thieves got away with a cash register and $100 from the restaurant, which is between St. Marks Place and Warren Street.

Band of stole

Thieves who broke into a 14th Street apartment on Feb. 20 got more than cash and goods — they also got a man’s wedding ring and a trip to the altar at the 78th Precinct, cops said.

The 31-year-old victim told police that he was not in the apartment, which is between Third and Fourth avenues, between 3 and 5 pm.

That was enough time for the thieves to break in through the front door and take a laptop, an emerald ring, a pendant, a watch and the $3,000 wedding band.

But the two men — ages 40 and 42 — were arrested within an hour, cops said, still in possession of the ill-gotten booty.

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