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‘Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant’ at Kings County Bar

Wee willies: Smallest-penis contest returns to Bushwick

Winning weenie: Last year's "Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant" winner, Nicholas Gilronan.
The Brooklyn Paper

Brooklyn’s most notorious member-measuring contest is back — and this year, it is smaller than ever.

On June 14, the second annual Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant will return to Kings County Bar in Bushwick, where last year crowds flocked to see proudly un-endowed men parade their tiny goods.

“Last year, I was thrilled,” said Bobbie Chaset, a bartender at Kings County and the lead organizer of the contest. “I’ve never looked out at an audience and seen so much joy.”

Returning to fray is Nicholas Gilronan, a Brooklyn native and United Parcel Service worker who claimed fame and fortune — well, $200 — in 2013 with his winning combination of tiny third-leg and huge strength of character. Another finalist from last year also unwilling to shrink away from the competition is a man known only as “Rip van Dinkle,” who is once again travelling to Bushwick all the way from Minnesota.

Chaset said the idea for the pageant began to take shape after a friend came back from a date with a mini-membered man — giving rave reviews.

“She came back and said it was the best night of her life,” Chaset said. “They know how to please a woman because they have to work a lot harder.”

Somehow, the drunken idea for a small penis pageant eventually took shape, capturing headlines around the world last year. Chaset said men have emailed her about their interest in competing — often including photographic evidence, to her mild dismay — from such far-flung locales as Australia and South Africa.

Keeping in line with the original inspiration for the pint-sized pork-sword fight, Chaset said the celebration of men and their small penises will be a strictly positive environment.

“We’re there to appreciate them,” she said. “If anyone thinks it’s okay to heckle or make fun, they’re getting booted out of there.”

Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant at Kings County Bar (286 Seigel St. between Bogart and White streets in Bushwick. June 14 at 2–6 pm. $5.

Reach reporter Noah Hurowitz at or by calling (718) 260-4505. Follow him on Twitter @noahhurowitz

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Reader Feedback

John Wasserman from Prospect Heights says:
Pardon my saying so, but fat often hides the largeness of a person's ——. Especially if the person is a woman.
J-Wass Storm Door, Roofing and Airline
June 13, 2:53 pm
John Wasserman from Prospect Heights says:
Pardon me once again. I didn't read the article. I though it was the woman who had the —— in question.
June 13, 3:03 pm
ty from pps says:
The pen is
is mightier than the sword
June 13, 4:06 pm
davey from h says:
“They know how to please a woman because they have to work a lot harder.”

"Size doesn't matter" was always a lie. Now we're going with "small means skillful?" Pfft.
June 13, 9:16 pm
bkmanhatman from nubrucklyn says:
Man-children beardos making a mockery of all things in Brooklyn versus close-minded Hassids, thuggery, and provincial mooks.
At least hipsters are not engaged in trying to beat people up.
June 14, 9:59 am
Mike from Williamsburg says:
Well, Mark, judging by this article, it may take a hipster transplant to make this contest, but it takes a native New Yorker to win it.
June 14, 12:12 pm
John Wasserman from Prospect Heights says:
Pardon me, but your own John Wasserman was terrorized at this bar one Sunday afternoon, just a few weeks ago for no good reason. I asked the bartender if I could start a tab, and he started to scream at me at the top of his lungs, coming at me like a rabid dog. He then called my lovely girl the "c" word and followed us out of the bar, screaming at us on the sidewalk. It was very embarrassing and unprovoked. The place is filthy, and the music is sub-par at best. If this was "Yelp" I would give it a "screw you" rating. I suppose the drugs there are top form as well.
John Wasserman/truth teller/Patriot
June 16, 2:55 pm
DocGeorge from Bath Beach says:
Whether a man is a small penis contest winner or possesses a mammoth organ, he needs to take steps to keep it healthy. One easy way to maintain general member health is by using a superior penis health cream (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil).
Oct. 3, 10:28 am

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