My stupid little broken ankle is going to help send a kid to camp this summer — and, even better than that, my wife has eaten so much crow that she practically squawks.
First, the crow. When I posted my Marty Markowitz-signed cast on eBay last week, my wife predicted that I would be lucky if the auction raised $5 for Markowitz’s Camp Brooklyn charity.
Such an attitude is to be expected from a woman who considered the cast, Markowitz’s signature or not, as little more than a smelly piece of medical waste.
First of all, it was not smelly; I removed the sweaty inner lining weeks ago (there’s no way I’d put the lining on the auction block — that sweaty gauze is my Shroud of Turin!).
And clearly my wife (not her real name) underestimated my self-promotional skill. So where she saw a rancid cast, I saw a “once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to own a piece of journalistic, medical and political history” (as I referred to it in the eBay listing).
Where she wondered why anyone would want Marty Markowitz’s signature, I pitched that feature as “the John Hancock of a future mayor!”
And where she dismissed the notion that anyone would care that the cast had been on my leg, I reminded her — and by “her” I really mean YOU — that I was recently named “Editor of the Year” by the Suburban Newspapers of America.
So wasn’t the Missus surprised when the cast sold for $100 — to Councilman Bill DeBlasio (D–Park Slope)!
But more important than having the last laugh over my wife is this fact: the bidding war between Councilmen DeBlasio and Simcha Felder — and a third man, Park Slope resident Phil Marriott — was so intense that my cast auction raised another $200, thanks to Marriott’s and Brooklyn Paper Publisher Ed Weintrob’s commitment to match the DeBlasio’s winning bid.
And therein lies a tale greater than mere marital competition!
As my wife predicted, the bidding had indeed started slowly, but Felder (D–Borough Park) soon bid $31. After a few more bidders got it up to $50, Felder was back, raising the stakes to $54.
And then, the would-be City Comptroller took a powder (come to think of it, that’s exactly what the Orthodox Jewish councilman did two years ago when he hid in a City Hall men’s room rather than be seen voting for the openly gay Chris Quinn for speaker).
That’s when DeBlasio, who is running for borough president, bid $100.
The bidding froze for more than five days — until Marriott jumped in and bid $102.50.
For some reason, the two pols dropped the ball and did not bid again. Felder blamed his staff.
“We have a very sophisticated cast-monitoring program in my office, but unfortunately, the staff missed the deadline this time,” he told The Brooklyn Paper.
But he also said he would never have bid as much as his rival DeBlasio (who ended up winning the cast thanks to eBay’s quirky “second chance” system).
“Bill is running for borough president, which is a job that spends city money, but I am running for comptroller, whose job it is to prudently invest city money, so I had to be more prudent as an investor,” Felder said.
DeBlasio disputed Felder’s assessment.
“For me, it was about the irreplaceable value of this piece of artwork,” he said. “Yes, symbolically, it was meaningful to have Marty’s signature, given that I want to be borough president. But it was far more important to have Kuntzman’s daughter’s doodles — which, I believe, include a heart and a picture of a brownie with a cherry on top.”
Marriott wasn’t taking the loss lightly. “Bill DeBlasio can have the cast,” said the Sixth Avenue resident, who sent Markowitz a $102.50 check made out to Camp Brooklyn even though he lost the auction.
“I only got into this because I thought Kuntzman was doing a good thing by trying to raise money for Camp Brooklyn — and I challenge all the other bidders to contribute to the charity in the amount of their highest bid,” he said. “Sure I wanted the cast, but clearly the politicians were using this auction as a springboard to higher office because any publicity is good publicity, as someone once said.”
Didn’t that same person say there’s a sucker born every minute?
I swear I am not referring to my wife — but, then again, if she gets mad and breaks my sole remaining healthy ankle, we can send even more kids to camp.
For information on Camp Brooklyn and a contribution form, go to http://www.brooklyn-usa.org/Pages/camp%20brooklyn.htm.
