It is once again time to hand out the Clonies, the award ceremony that puts the Emmys, and Tonys, and Oscars to shame.
Jack Nicholson has won three Academy Awards, and Aretha Franklin has won 18 Grammy Awards, but we’re sure they would trade it all in for just one Clonie.
The Brooklyn Paper names its winners of the annual award, which was a little tougher in 2015, the first losing season in Cyclones history.
But all the votes are in and the judges have made their decisions, so without further ado, here’s this years’ Clonie Awards:
The Howard Beale “Mad As Hell” Award: Jeff Diehl
Diehl didn’t open the window and stick his head out, but he did throw two Gatorade coolers on the field after being ejected following his fourth strikeout — looking — in Brooklyn’s Aug. 19 game against Lowell. The eruption came after an award-worthy performance breaking a bat over his leg after his third strikeout in his previous at bat. Maybe he was just trying to top Tom Gamboa, who wasted no time getting ejected while bringing out the lineup card on Aug. 19.
The Jim Mora Funniest Postgame Comments Award: Tom Gamboa
The Cyclones manager was always a good quote but his comments after Brooklyn’s 4–3 loss to Vermont on July 18 stand out. He was always on topic, and that topic was the fact that his guys just couldn’t hit. The best of the best: “The Mendoza line is .200. We’re going to have to create a new line for where some of our guys are at.” We hope that Gamby is rewarded for gems like that with a third season at the helm of Brooklyn’s beloved baseball team.
The Bob Walk Coolest Baseball-Related Name Award: Nicco Blank
How can you not like a pitcher named Blank? Gamboa said that Blank was the pitcher that showed the most improvement from game one to game 76. “He’s gone from a thrower with a good arm that had no clue about pitching, to pitching.”
The Rodney Dangerfield No Respect Award: P.J. Conlon
Poor P.J. Conlon. The southpaw reliever had an earned-run average of zero in 17 innings and finished with a record of 0–1. He didn’t even pick up a save. The reliable reliever was often used as the seventh inning man in front of Corey Taylor and Alex Palsha.
The Steve Cohen Executive of the Year Award: Steve Cohen
Just like Meryl Streep collecting another Golden Globe nomination, Steve Cohen wins another Clonie. Whether serving as General Manager or Vice President, Cohen is a lock for an award around this time of year, and for good reason: he runs the best damn minor league franchise in the country. In fact, he is the franchise — even during a losing season.
Most or least offensive offense of the Year Award: The Cyclones offense
It was a record-setting season for the futile Brooklyn bats. They collected a franchise low 548 hits. The .220 team batting average was a franchise low. The good news about the offense is that they can’t make any more outs until next June. Dustin Hoffman won an Oscar for “Rain Man” one year after “Ishtar,” so perhaps the Cyclones bats will rebound in 2016.
