Normally, my column addresses one topic and I go with it. This week, however, several issues have me chomping at the bit, so I’m taking a page from fellow columnist Stan Gershbein and sharing a thing or two.
Pet peeve No. 1: Meteorologists must really have a lot of time on their hands in order to create such mega-apocalyptic meteorological terms.
Heat domes, polar vortices, super storms, cyclonic depressions — oh my! Just a few to send shivers down my spine. This week we have been trapped under a heat dome. Headlines blared “Under the Heat Dome.” In case you don’t know — “A heat dome,” according to the New York Times, is “essentially a bubble of high pressure that sits in the mid- to upper atmosphere and pushes warm air down toward the ground.”
Really a heat dome? A gazillion years ago, when the temperatures soared to the 90s and beyond, it was a sweltering heat wave. In the winter when the temps dipped below 0, it was one heck of a cold spell. Today we have “heat dome” and “polar vortex.” And don’t get me started on cyclonic depressions … or how crazed we become when all these weather conditions barrel down on us and turn us into rabid supermarket maniacs?
How I long for the days of just having a old-fashioned, hotter-than-hell heat wave.
“We’re having a heat wave / A tropical heat wave / The temperature’s rising / It isn’t surprising.” Thank you Irving Berlin — no one could have said it better.
Please, please everyone restrain yourselves and do not race to the nearest market. The sky is not falling, we will not melt — there will still be ice. It’s July, heat waves are expected. It will cool off as soon as the next polar vortex comes calling in January.
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Pet peeve No. 2: How is it that all these high-powered celebrities who bash Trump because he wants to build a wall live behind walls to protect their palatial estates from us common folk? Or the ones that live in uber exclusive apartment houses with 24-hour concierge services that protect their delicate personages?
I guess these celebs need the protection much more than we commoner shlubs, who are obviously more able to fend off the invading hoards with just our pitchforks and smart phones. Sounds a bit like the French Revolution to me. “Let them have walls!”
There you go — these are my two pet peeves for the week.
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Not for Nuthin™ on a much happier note, “Sharknado The Fourth Awakens” premiers on SyFy July 31. And on Aug. 6, we’re getting the premier of the sequel “2 Lava 2 Lantula” (the sequel to 2015’s “Lavalantula”). Oh no — not the arachnids and Steve Guttenberg again! Now that’s a reason to maniacally run to the nearest grocery story and buy all the bug spray you can carry.
Follow me on Twitter @JDelBuono.
