We are no longer the great United States of America, defender of truth, justice and the American way.
No.
Thanks to our bright, talented, and resourceful minds, we will go down in the history books as the nation that has wiped out sexual dysfunction and given the world Reality TV and its stars. Yes, America, we can all rest easy and go to bed knowing that if we wake up and don’t desire sex every hour of every day, we just have to pop a pink or blue pill to be ready, willing, and able to fornicate like a rabbit every which way we can. And if we can’t get sex — or the lack thereof — out of our minds, we can turn on the parade of freaks on Reality TV to keep us amused.
I offer a very heartfelt “thank you” to the pharmaceutical companies Pfizer (makers of Viagra) and Sprout (Flibanserin, the so-called “Viagra for women”) — who will be even more filthy rich — for providing these miracle cures to our medicine cabinets. And to The Learning Channel for its enlightened programming.
I, for one, will sleep better knowing that my libido is in good hands. And if not, I can tune into TLC for a dose of familial dysfunction to gently put me under. Better than a pill, I tell you.
Let us not forget our advertising brethren — with this new pink pill, there will be a feeding frenzy out there in advertising land. Who will be the first to come up with the catchiest tune to tout this new wonder drug? How many times a day will the left side of our brains (the part most susceptible to subliminal messaging), be hit with visions of beautiful young women and grey haired men who want to copulate and can’t because of impotence and hypoactive sexual desire?
No longer concerned about cancer, diabetes, heart disease, baldness, or gastrointestinal reflux disease. No siree bob — our libidos are in the pink (and blue).
Jeez Louise, but I have never seen a culture more consumed with sex than ours. Which presents the other matter to the right side of my brain — the circus of reality TV.
Not only consumed by sex, but we are number one for dancing on the stick of Reality TV — of which TLC is the master puppeteer. I ask you, does the research team purposefully go out and choose families with huge skeletons in their closets? First “Kate Plus Eight,” then Honey BooBoo, and now the Duggars.
Who is next? Is there a scandal in the closet of the Little Couple just waiting for a slump in the ratings?
Not for Nuthin,™ but I am really tired of having the left side of my brain hit with all this minutiae. Please, Pfizer and Sprout, make a pill — make it stop!
Follow me on Twitter @JDelBuono.
