Get out your chain saw — it’s raining sharks, hallelujah!
“Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!” the third installment of the mega-colossal megaladon of a made-for-television-movie franchise put the other two Sharknados to shame when it came to tasteless, shameless product placement and homages to the mother of all shark movies — “Jaws” — or to the many other cheesy, sea-scary Hollywood gems for that matter. Three-headed sharks anyone?
I loved all of its 1 hour and 28 minutes up to and including every snarky sharky ad. Oh my, what campy good fun from the folks at the SyFy channel. They really do know how to put the fear of shark fins back into hotel pools and roller-coaster rides.
Yes, “Sharknado 3” will go down in the annals of “Them,” (I still shiver when I hear the sound of ant antennae squeaking) “The Giant Behemoth,” “Day of the Triffids,” and “The Deadly Mantis” — just a few of my personal favorites — when it comes to B movie status.
This third installment of the saga addressed the burning issues raised by “Sharknado 2” — including Fin and dad making up, Fin and Nova reconnecting, and Fin and mother-in-law May kissing and making up. Bo Derek is still a 10, by the way, but the death toll was staggering.
I felt especially saddened when the mayor of New York City, aptly emoted by the illustrious Robert Klein, was swallowed up at the White House dinner. And how can we ever forget Frankie Muniz’s selfless, armless, legless sacrifice of pushing the red, blow-up-the-whole-shebang button with his nose? Genius — just pure cinematic genius.
“Sharknado 3” left no snarky tooth untouched — even the president kicked ass with his bandolier of impressive fire arms and grenades. Nothing like a little annihilation and destruction to get your Rambo on. I just love the smell of cordite and shark bait in the morning.
And just when you thought it was safe to put your shark-proof umbrella away, we found out that there is going to be a “Sharknado 4” — Oh hell yes! This installment ended with the question “Should April live or die?” asking fans to vote on it. What a cliffhanger.
Not for Nuthin™, but I vote thumbs-up for April — we all need a heroine who can give birth in a plummeting shark with one hand and a chain saw for the other, and still manage to keep her sexy black panties on. Now that’s what I call entertainment.
Until “Sharknado 4” comes to take another bite, SyFy channel has showcased another nail-biting, itch-inducing, creepy-crawly, mega-destruction movie: “Lavalantula.” Just when you thought it was safe to put the Raid away, these tasty, toasty arachnids have gone atomic over Los Angeles. It scared the bejesus out of me. “Sharknado 4?” Hell no, I can’t wait.
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