Apologies to my readers who have no doubt
been waiting with bated breath for this dispatch about one of
the world’s most gossiped about performers, Liza Minnelli, who
showed up in an enormous white limo to kick off the Seaside Summer
Concert Series in Coney Island on July 14.
Too many late nights carousing, er, reporting left me swooning
from fever on my chaise longue, my preferred gin martini and
Altoids replaced with tiny plastic cups of noxiously sweet cherry
cough syrup and antibiotics. But as soon as GO Girl’s energy
returned, she raced to the office, as fast as her bejeweled flip-flops
could carry her, to file this report:
The anticipation of Minnelli’s impending arrival on the borough’s
most kitschy strip was almost too much to bear for fans of Broadway
show tunes and gay men, alike. (Forgive me, if I’m being redundant.)
But as the concert date neared, GO Girl’s friends were mysteriously
evasive about accepting her invitation to the show.
Well, who needs them, when you’re in the audience and Minnelli’s
in the spotlight? And GO Girl certainly wasn’t alone, as more
than 8,000 of Liza’s legions were lured to the event, several
stopping on the sidewalk to admire each other’s concert tees.
The opening act was a tough one to follow because it came within
minutes of lulling the crowd into a deep sleep. It seemed every
Brooklyn politician in existence was passed the microphone by
the concert series’ host, Borough President Marty Markowitz,
and took their turn begging for votes. City Council Speaker Gifford
Miller, who’s running for mayor, not only spoke to the aged crowd
but shamelessly pandered to them with a performance of "Young
at Heart" a la Frank Sinatra.
And after they were done, inexplicably, the Consul General of
Turkey took the mic and told the crowd, "We hope to see
all of you people in Brooklyn, in Istanbul."
To say the least, GO Girl’s senses were dulled and her enthusiasm
was rapidly waning.
It was revealed that the entertainer most hungry for the footlights
was not the staff sergeant from the Fort Hamilton Army Base,
who sang the national anthem, but 7-year-old Sheepshead Bay resident
Veronica Gorelik, who regaled the crowd with "God Bless
America" to recorded music accompaniment.
The applause couldn’t sate the appetite of little Veronica, who
later jumped on stage during Minnelli’s curtain call – not to
offer the diva a bouquet of flowers – but to foist her head shot
into the star’s hand. Minnelli, to her credit, didn’t miss a
beat and included the child in her bows.
When the introductions finally ended and the spotlight did hit
Minnelli, the number of sequins on her white pantsuit doubled
the wattage and those of us in the first four rows gasped and
held up our hands to shield our eyes. After all, Minnelli is
a star. She’s the indomitable and hilarious Lucille on Fox-TV’s
"Arrested Development" and will return to the silver
screen as a sex therapist in Billy Kent’s "The OH in Ohio"
this fall along with Parker Posey, Paul Rudd and Danny DeVito.
In her Coney Island set, at Asser Levy Park on Surf Avenue and
West Fifth Street, the daughter of Hollywood legend Judy Garland
and filmmaker Vincente Minnelli frequently exhibited the comic
timing for which she’s been getting so much work of late. She
also demonstrated those famous vocal cords and jazz hands.
Although the first time GO Girl saw Minnelli at work was in "The
Muppets Take Manhattan," this performance was much more
memorable and poignant as she sang "Time has left us older
and wiser – I know I am," while balmy ocean breezes caressed
the crowd. But under the spotlight, it seems the evening air
wasn’t so rejuvenating.
"I can’t breathe at all. It’s like peanut butter,"
complained Minnelli rather unconvincingly. If only peanut butter
could make GO Girl sing like that!
When the tabloid-plagued singer told the crowd, "I have
something surprising to tell you," it seemed that everyone
sat up in their seats a little straighter. One man yelled his
inquiry, "You’re pregnant?" But Minnelli only shared
that she liked to sing folk ballads, pronouncing them "buh-LAHDS,"
before launching into a hilarious performance of a risque song
about a woman who’s sidetracked on her way to meet her lover
in London – by every other man she sees on her journey.
Minnelli has won numerous awards – a Golden Globe, Emmy and Oscar
(and even a Razzie Award for "Arthur 2: On the Rocks,"
but let those without sin cast the first stone, alright?) – so
it would seem more than fair if she only gave 45 minutes of her
time for a free performance. But not our Liza! The glamour-puss
left the stage for a costume change – slipping into a shoulder-baring
shimmer of black sequins! – and regaled the crowd with another
set with her band of a dozen supremely talented musicians.
Orgasmic fans, unable to contain themselves, repeatedly called
to their goddess, "I love you, Liza!"
To which she batted her lashes and returned their unbridled passion
with, "Oh, god! I’ll never forget tonight. I’ll never forget
you!"
Afterward, the borough president told GO Girl, "In my 23
years of producing these concerts, that performance [by Liza
Minnelli] was certainly near the top."
Brooklyn Papers photographer Tom Callan later spotted Minnelli
and her entourage on the Cyclone rollercoaster and noshing at
Nathan’s.
As GO Girl shuffled out into the darkness around the venue, being
jostled to and fro by what appeared to be hundreds of concertgoers
sucking from oxygen tanks when not yelling for "Doris"
and "George" with urgent, raspy voices, I was filled
with hope that "Liza with a Z" would indeed sing again
in Brooklyn some day.
Coming up
Pull out your Blackberries, and save Aug. 11, for a performance
by singer Patti LaBelle, and Aug. 18, for singer Michael Bolton
at the Seaside Summer Concert Series.
For more information on supporting the free concert series, call
(718) 469-1912 or visit www.brooklynconcerts.com.
