Stan empties his pockets, and remembers some things he wanted to tell you

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Here are more from the scraps of paper and backs of envelopes I found in my pockets before sending my jackets off to the dry cleaners.

There’s something crazy going on. Our government borrows money and gives piles of it away to other countries. That’s bad enough, but when some research is done we find that so many of the receiving countries don’t even like us. In fact, most of them vote against us in the United Nations. Crazy? Would you borrow money and give it away to neighbors that don’t like you? I wouldn’t even borrow money to give it away to people that do like me.

How many times have we heard a woman say “I only turned for a second” when explaining the circumstances surrounding her purse getting stolen from a shopping cart. She walked up the aisle and left her cart behind while she selected a box of breakfast cereal. Usually, that one second is more like 15 or 20 seconds — more than enough time for a thief to pick up the pocketbook she left in the shopping cart. By the time she noticed it was missing, he was out the door. And when the police arrived, he was in a stall at a public restroom helping himself to whatever he thought was valuable.

OK, gang, question: how many times do you think a woman does that? The answer? Once. Just once and she’ll never leave that cart unattended again.

There’s an addendum to that situation. Do not assume that the thief is a man. We have all noticed females of all ages patrolling the aisles of supermarkets filling their carts as if they are really food shopping. Then, when the opportunity arises, it’s bye-bye handbag.

The economic geniuses in Washington insist that the inflation rate is only 2.1 percent. Huh? It is obvious that the folks who came up with that number don’t shop in the same supermarkets that the rest of us do. They respond with the flimsy excuse that because food and gasoline prices fluctuate, they are not to be included in the inflation rates. That’s a crock. Food and gas go up a lot, but only manage to come down a little.

There’s been lots of noise lately about the decrease in freedoms we enjoy here in the Empire State. There is one freedom that nobody seems to want to discuss … the freedom to leave. Census figures tell us that New York State’s population has decreased nine percent in the last decade. Every one of us can offer a list of reasons for leaving, be it the higher cost of living or the weather, but the one I found most interesting was the Tom Golisano decree of four years ago. If you don’t recall Mr. G’s motivation for relocating, e-mail me and I will forward to you a copy of his farewell to New York letter.

By the way, the population of the Great State of Texas is increasing by a thousand people a day. Governor Perry might be able to teach Governor Cuomo a few things.

Obviously some folks don’t think we laugh enough so they declared Thursday, April 19th, Humorous Day. I am telling you to call your best friend to tell her a joke. A knock-knock joke, an elephant joke, anything. Just keep it clean and share a laugh.

Read Stan Gershbein's column every Monday on
Updated 11:48 am, January 16, 2019
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