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No pipe dream

for The Brooklyn Paper
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A man brutally beat a couple with a lead pipe at 9 pm on Sept. 14, and didn’t even take anything, cops said.

The couple was walking home when they noticed someone following them closely. When they got to the corner of Carlton and Lafayette avenues, they turned to see a man brandishing a lead pipe.

Neither member of the couple spoke English, so whatever threats the man issued were lost on them. But not his actions — he hit the man in the back of the head with his weapon and, when the woman started screaming, he bashed her in the face — needed no translation.

The perp didn’t take any valuables, just ran off leaving them on the ground.

Stroller snatch

Two stores proved to be dangerous places on Sept. 10, as two women’s wallets were snatched from the backs of their baby strollers.

The first incident occurred around 11 am, at a discount store on Myrtle Avenue near Vanderbilt Avenue. A 31-year-old woman had left her stroller in an aisle while she looked for an item. A second later, she saw two women talking and standing suspiciously close to her stroller.

One of them told her, “You dropped your water bottle,” and put the fallen beverage back onto the stroller. When the victim checked her bag, her wallet was gone, along with $20 and gift certificates.

The second robbery happened in a department store at Flatbush and Atlantic avenues around 1 pm, cops said. This woman only turned her back on the stroller for a second, but that was enough time for an unknown perp to run off with $100 and two debit cards, on which the thief quickly rang up $600 in charges.

In both cases, the stores had security cameras filming at the time, and the tapes have yet to be reviewed.

Club crime

A woman isn’t exactly sure what happened, but her purse was stolen from her arm while she was in a club early in the morning of Sept. 3.

The party person was at a club on Washington Avenue between Flushing and Park avenues until 3 am. She didn’t notice her purse was missing until she was outside, but she suspects it was snatched while she was standing at the bar. The purse contained $30 and some IDs.

The victim told cops that she didn’t remember exactly what happened because she had been drinking.

Phone fiend

A teen’s cellphone was grabbed as he was walking towards the subway on DeKalb Avenue on Sept. 12.

The 15-year-old was near the steps of the DeKalb Avenue station at Flatbush Avenue when the perp ran up to him, grabbed his belt and his phone.

The mugger demanded, “Give me your cellphone!” and the teen gave up his $250 Motorola before the perp fled, cops said.

Fake gun

A would-be-mugger tried to intimidate his victim on Sept. 13, but the cops were on the scene to stop him.

The 40-year-old assailant stopped a man at 7 pm at the corner of Putnam and Grand avenues. He showed his victim what he said was a gun, but unluckily for the perp, a patrol car happened to roll by, catching him in the act.

The man ran, but not fast enough, cops said.

Business burgle

A small business on Flatbush Avenue was robbed of its computers during the night of Sept. 13.

The owner closed up shop, near Livingston Street, around 7:30 pm, but when he returned in the morning, at about 10 am, he saw that his lock had been broken.

The news only got worse, as he saw that three of his computers — two laptops and a desktop — were stolen, along with a scanner.

The total value of the stolen equipment was $12,350, cops said.

Wheely bad

Several cars and bikes were stolen from the Fort Greene area last week, including one car that was returned.

• The first incident happened on Sept. 11, at the corner of Cumberland Street and Park Avenue, where a moped-mounted man went to order food from a take-out place at around 3 pm. He was only gone five minutes, but when he came out, his $2,600 bike had vanished.

• The next day, another man left his Nissan sedan running at the corner of Carlton and Park avenues while he picked up breakfast. It was quickly stolen, but the thieves tired of the car and abandoned it some days later on Monument Walk, near Park Avenue.

• Thieves failed to return a green 1998 Infiniti that they stole on Sept. 11. The owner had left the car on South Portland Avenue near DeKalb Avenue around 10 pm, and by the next morning it was gone.

• Another victim’s motorcycle was stolen after he left it unlocked for a few hours on Sept. 15. He put the bike in his yard, on Cumberland Street near Park Avenue, at 9 am, and by 6 pm, an opportunistic thug had grabbed the bike.

• Cops stopped one bike thief, however, near Fort Greene Park early on Sept. 13. Around 4 am, a patrol car received a report that a Vespa was being stolen from Washington Park between Willoughby and Myrtle avenues. Cops arrived, and found a man dragging the bike towards an apartment building. Officers quickly put him in custody.

Intramural mug

A high schooler’s phone was snatched by a classmate who ran fast enough to be on the track team on Sept. 11.

The victim, who goes to school on Clermont Avenue near Park Avenue, was talking on her phone around noon when the hoodlum ran from behind her and grabbed the $500 Nextel camera phone, yelling “I’m going to slap you!” as he fled.

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