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Driver’s defense? ‘Only 3 drinks!’

for The Brooklyn Paper
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A drunk driver who crashed near the corner of Flatbush Avenue and Hanson Place on Dec. 1 didn’t help his cause by offering cops this excuse: “I only had three drinks!”

The accident was reported to cops around 6 pm, and an officer arrived on the scene shortly afterwards. There was only one car, the man’s 1995 Ford Windstar, on the scene, and the driver himself didn’t look so hot.

The officer reported that the 59-year-old had bloodshot eyes, smelled of alcohol, and was “swaying and unsteady on his feet.”

“I only had three drinks!” the man claimed. “One beer and two Scotches!”

The cop put the man under arrest after confirming with a witness that the man had been behind the wheel. The witness added that the man had had trouble getting out of his car.

Look out below

Everyone knows that New York’s Finest face danger on the job — but danger from falling toilets?

That was the occupational hazard two cops confronted on Nov. 27, when a perp with a strong dislike for the men in blue tossed a number of heavy objects, including a dresser and a toilet, from the roof of a housing complex on Cumberland Walk near Myrtle Avenue.

The officers had just left the building at around 11 am, after arresting a juvenile offender, when objects starting falling from the sky.

They jumped out of the way and were able to avoid being hit by the dresser and the toilet — the falling piano, a cartoon staple, didn’t make an appearance — and didn’t suffer any injuries.

But the squad car wasn’t so lucky. After the barrage ceased, the cops saw that the windshield had been cracked, the rooflights were broken, and the roof itself was damaged.

Mean girls

Three 15-year-olds girls assaulted a woman walking home and took everything — even the shoes off her feet — on Nov. 26

The 21-year-old victim was walking down Lafayette Avenue and had just reached the corner of Washington Avenue at 8:30 pm when the three approached her. The first one grabbed her from behind and struck her on the face, while the other two yelled incoherent threats at her and stripped her of her property, which meant not just her $90 designer purse, but her sunglasses, Nokia cellphone, high heel shoes, and her house keys.

Burglary foiled

A not-so-catlike burglar picked the wrong time to break into a Gates Avenue apartment building’s basement on Nov. 28, and he was soon put into cuffs by the cops.

The 43-year-old crook began his attempt at around 4 pm, when he walked casually to the side door of the apartment building, near St. James Place, and used tools to open the door.

He must have been making too much noise, however, because the alert owner of the building noticed the racket and called the police.

The cops arrived and found the perp still trying to take his prize — $150 worth of copper piping — out of the door.

iPunched

A man beat up a 17-year-old for his iPod on Nov. 29.

The teen was walking on Park Avenue near North Portland Avenue when a man abruptly grabbed him from behind and demanded, “Give me your iPod.”

Without waiting for an answer, the perp took the ubiquitous device from the kid’s pocket and punched him several times in the face, apparently for the sheer joy of it.

In exchange for his iPod nano, the victim got only a bruised and swollen jaw.

Car crimes

The cold weather must be discouraging car thieves, as police reported only one car stolen and only one broken into in the Fort Greene area last week — a 2005 Honda Accord owned by a 45-year-old man who parked it on Cumberland Avenue near Dekalb Avenue at 1:30 pm on Nov. 25.

The car was equipped with a LoJack security system designed to inform the owner when his car was being moved, and it actually went off at 10 am the next morning.

But the owner dismissed the call, thinking that it was just a “low battery” warning. He realized his mistake at 7 pm when he returned to his parking spot to discover that his car had been jacked.

The other incident occurred in the parking garage of the shopping complex at Atlantic Avenue and Fort Greene Place. A 33-year-old man parked his 2006 Dodge Caravan at around 1:30 pm and went shopping; when he returned an hour later, he found out that someone had been bargain-hunting in his car — his Macintosh Powerbook was missing.

On the run

A teenager walking home tried to run away when approached by a suspicious group on Nov. 26, but the pack soon caught up with him and beat him and stole his iPod.

The 17-year-old was on Clinton Avenue near Dekalb Avenue at around 6:30 pm when four men approached him. One of them asked, “Can I see your iPod?” But the kid, knowing where that line of questioning was going, took off running.

Before he got to Willoughby Avenue, however, the four caught up with him and dragged him to the ground, injuring his face, and snatched the popular digital music device from his coat pocket before fleeing down Clinton Avenue.

Updated 4:00 pm, November 10, 2010
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