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Kickball shocker! Sadewitz is injured!

The Brooklyn Paper
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It was a kickball weekend filled with the thrill of victory and the agony of victory.

The surging New Frontiersmen’s 11-2 mercy-rule throttling of Sons of Pitches in five innings left the team drained after its star player, Matt “Marquis De” Sadewitz, sustained a broken clavicle after making a sensational diving catch and was immediately rushed to a hospital.

The loss of Sadewitz, who is sidelined for the next six weeks, puts a tiger-sized dent in the sixth-ranked New Frontiersmen’s hopes this season.

“What can I say, that’s a big deal,” said League Commissioner Kevin Dailey. “Matt’s a longtime cherished member of Brooklyn Kickball. As far as I’m concerned, he’s a league leader. He’s been MVP in 2007 and an all-around great guy.”

The Frontiersmen will move on after their unusually physical game with the Pitches, which also saw pitcher Jessica “Show and Tell” Seibert get tackled in the field by a 250-pound outfielder and a number of rough slides on the infield.

“Tiger hurt his shoulder so we’re going to do shots in his memory,” said Jordan “Insurmount­able” Peak.

With uncertainty gripping the Frontiersmen, top-ranked Brooklyn United steamrolled its rival, the 10th-ranked John Cougar Mellencamps, 4-1, behind the surefooted leadership of its captain, Justin “Prison Break” Taylor. The Mellencamps spiraled back to a .500 record, tying Andy “Boris” Becker’s Salute Your Jorts, 2-2, which Cougar teammates attributed to the absence of a number of key players and the effects of a post-hangover weekend.

There were no such excuses from the third-ranked Never Scared, who barely survived an upset, winning 1-0 against the suddenly fearsome Lobos, who have risen to fifth place. Defense ruled the day, as Never Scared’s vaunted “run prevention” strategy saved their butts yet again, and Lobos all-star Jesse “Brandy” Alexander and coach Kevin “The Commish” Dailey cursed a number of missed opportunities.

“Everyone kept popping up to the pitcher,” said Dailey. “The Lobos are a run-making machine, scoring 6 1/2 runs a game, and we couldn’t even score.”

As top-ranked Brooklyn United, Never Scared, and Majesty cruise towards the mid-point of the season, teams like Sons of Pitches and Balls to the Wall are trying to stay afloat and improve their postseason seeding. After getting mercied by Brooklyn United, Balls to the Wall salvaged a hard-fought victory over the Mau Maus despite missing its beloved captain, Amanda “The Rock” Donelan.

“Our strategy to get two men on base in the first inning and then completely demoralize the other team,” said Ian “Roundball” Bestar.

Sons of Pitches was less fortunate, though Danny “Bear” Rubenstein was optimistic that the team would turn its season around.

“What we have, which the numbers don’t really calculate, is our heart,” said Rubenstein.

Updated 5:18 pm, July 9, 2018
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