Smartmom thinks that the Oh So Feisty One, at age 9, is old enough to walk to the corner and cross the street.
In the eyes of some Park Slope moms, Smartmom is doing the right thing in developing her daughter’s sense of independence.
In other Park Slope eyes, Smartmom is guilty of child abuse
It all started when OSFO’s best friend, Crystal, was allowed to walk to OSFO’s house unaccompanied. That meant crossing one-way Second Street. Alone. She had to call home as soon as she arrived, of course, but she made it.
After witnessing such success, OSFO began clamoring to go to Crystal’s house all by herself.
Smartmom wasn’t sure her girl was quite ready, so, for starters, she let OSFO and Crystal walk around the corner to the candy store and Park Slope Books.
Ah la liberte: what a blast to buy Skittles at the candy store and browse picture books at the bookstore. Alone. And it involved no street-crossing.
Next, Smartmom decided that OSFO was ready to cross Second Street with Crystal. They are both capable and cautious kids who know to wait for the green light and look both ways.
They also know to be wary of strangers and even familiar-looking people whom she doesn’t really know.
The other day, Crystal and OSFO were joined by their schoolmate, Kate. Crystal wanted to pick up her Build-a-Bear at home, so Smartmom said the three girls could go to Crystal’s house if they were very, very careful crossing little Second Street.
Well, when Superprotective Mom got wind of it, she hit the roof. She told Kate, in no uncertain terms, that she was NEVER to cross the street. Ever. Later, Smartmom spoke to Superprotective Mom and told her that she was sorry for her “Mommy boo-boo.” She should have called and asked whether Kate was allowed to cross the street.
“It wasn’t about crossing the street,” Superprotective Mom said. “I don’t want Kate on the street at all. There are too many bad people around. I don’t think she’s ready to deal with something if it happens.”
Smartmom felt duly reprimanded, but she knew that she wasn’t going to put the kibosh on OSFO’s burgeoning independence.
Oh how things have changed! Growing up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, Smartmom was crossing many blocks — including two-way streets! — to get to her second-grade class. Two years later, she was taking city buses and subways — by herself.
Some would say it was a different city then. And it was. In the 1970s, crime was rampant, garbage was everywhere, and filthy streets (no Pooper Scooper Law, remember?) were filled with crazy people released from mental hospitals.
Sure, it was scary. But for Smartmom’s smart mom, it was all part of teaching her daughter about life in the city (including how to deal with her bus pass getting stolen on a regular basis).
So, where were Smartmom’s — and other kids’ — parents? Maybe they were too distracted by the Sexual Revolution to accompany their kids around town. More likely, they just let their kids go it alone — like their parents did, and their parents’ parents did.
The city has come a long way since “Ford to City: Drop Dead!” yet city parents are more protective than ever. Back when it was truly treacherous, those 1970s parents were laisse-faire about sending their kids into the urban jungle.
But now? Forget it. Most Slope kids under age 12 are not allowed out alone at all. Parents are always in the picture when the kids are riding their bikes, making chalk drawings, playing hopscotch or squirting water pistols at each other (water pistols could lead to gang violence, after all!).
There’s no denying that the Slope has its dangers. Fifteen-year-old Teen Spirit was mugged a couple of months ago on Eighth Avenue and Third Street. A group of kids surrounded him and asked for his iPod. He calmly gave it to them and they let him go.
He did the right thing, but it could have been a lot worse. What if the kids wanted to beat him up?
When Smartmom and Hepcat grilled Teen Spirit about the incident, they asked what the boys looked like, careful not to blurt out anything vaguely racist (or racial).
The thought of the mugging gives Smartmom chills. But she’s glad that his first mugging was relatively easy. He’s crossed that essential milestone and maybe it will make him more alert on the street in the long run.
Luckily, that incident didn’t crimp Teen Spirit’s independent style. He takes the subway to school every day, to concerts in Manhattan, to Times Square to see movies.
Times Square?! The way Smartmom sees it, why grow up in New York City if you can’t be a real city kid? Move to the suburbs if you want safe.
You can’t teach your children to live their lives in fear. And you can’t hover over them forever. They need to learn the law of the streets: be alert, check to see if anyone is following you, duck into a store or apartment building if you feel nervous, find an adult or a cop if something happens.
Learning to survive in the city is not an art, it’s a craft. And you’ve got to start somewhere.
Crossing the street to Crystal’s house is probably as good a place as any.
