In the bosom of one’s family, one should feel radiant love. Should. I know it is six letters, but should is the worst four-letter word there is.
It is especially hard during the holiday season, when pictures abound on billboards, in magazines, and in television commercials that feature model families with glistening smiles. Of course, we know they are facsimiles, “families” thrown together through casting calls to sell sweaters and cars and cookies. We know this and yet, like all images, they lodge in a place and make us believe something that is not nearly the whole truth.
There is so much more to happy families than meets the eye, so much complexity to navigate, even when love exists, because love is hard.
Families are microcosms of society that require all the deft management of a Fortune 500 company, from leadership skills to planning and organization capabilities, to site development and upkeep, and — of course — critical people prowess.
I believe it is possible for families to succeed, just like companies. But everyone has to be on board and the mission needs to be clear: what, exactly, is the family goal?
Again, that dirty word creeps to mind. Families should be supportive. They should move heaven and earth to be there for each other. But, how exactly, does that shake out? What exactly does supportive look like?
If the goal is to be there for one another, it seems a meeting might be in order, a sit around at a table. And how might that go?
Mom: Okay, everyone, thanks for gathering. To support one another, what do you think we should do?
Boy 1: Your mom.
Boy 2: Yeah! High five, dude!
Dad: Boys! Listen to your mother! (Belch).
Hmmm. Not so helpful. Finding a successful takeaway is unlikely because if a meeting is required in the first place, it means people don’t know what they are doing, and asking them point-blank to tell you something they don’t know is useless!
So that takes us back to the mission, back to love and how to give it and receive it in valuable doses.
1. Try.
2. Fail.
3.Say you’re sorry and you’ll try harder.
4. Try again.
5. Succeed.
6. Focus on success.
7. Repeat.
At holiday time, it is ideal if a family has a visionary, someone to make the impossible seem possible, to coordinate travel from far and wide, to determine accommodations, to oversee the purchase and preparation of food, to plan activities and implement that plan. The visionary could be able to take in everybody’s needs and account for them through the assignment of the perfect tasks and activities that help illuminate individual’s skills and give them confidence that they are a valued member of the team.
Visionaries are great, but we cannot count on them, we cannot wait for them like the Great Pumpkin and be angry when they don’t appear.
For families to function, I believe every member has to buy in, every person has to be fully committed to the great mission of love and understanding, everyone has to take some responsibility for the burden and joy of togetherness.
There can be truth behind smiling family photos, sincere love and devotion that exists for humans from the other humans in their clan. It just isn’t so easy as it appears. Like any good organization, families take teamwork. And teamwork takes communication and collaboration and concessions.
Teamwork takes trying, but I would say it is worth it to try in the case of family, because love is a beautiful thing.
At least it should be.
