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Bob Dylan is notoriously elusive as an artist, but that’s no way to sell concert tickets.
The legendary recluse didn’t bother to announce his Aug. 12 show in Prospect Park, but merely posted it on his Web site, bobdylan.com, and offered registered fans a secret password so they could get advance tickets.
Nice. You may own more than 30 Dylan albums, you may revere him as the voice of an entire generation (or two!), and you may even be the kind of person willing to pay $100 for a ticket to a Bob Dylan show — but if you don’t check his Web site every morning, you’re out of luck.
Of course, the best seats sold out within hours (despite a $12 per ticket fee from Ticketmaster, too).
I was so angry about the whole thing, that I took Dylan’s celebrated relationship screed, “Positively 4th Street” and gave it a few new lyrics.
Take this, Bobby Z!
Music by Bob Dylan; Lyrics by Gersh Kuntzman
You’ve got a lotta nerve
To not announce it publicly
Do you think I’m always on your Web site?
You got a lotta nerve
To think I’d even care
All I wanted was a proper invite.
You got a lotta nerve
To snub your biggest fans.
It really ain’t so hard, you know, to please us
You got a lotta nerve
You really pissed me off
I stuck with you when you prayed to Jesus!
Do you take me for such a fool
To think I’d buy tickets.
When they cost a hundred bucks — plus surcharge!
I know the reason
That you didn’t make it known.
You knew the price for tickets was just too large.
You know as well as me
Your vocal chords don’t work so well.
In fact, you can’t hit any notes to save you.
Maybe I’ve lost my faith
But it’s not all my fault.
I saw your show last year, and felt I was screwed.
I wish that for just one time
I could skip a Dylan show.
And just for that one moment, save my paycheck.
Yes, I wish that for just one time
I could skip a Dylan show.
But I just bought a ticket to this trainwreck.
©2008 The Brooklyn Paper
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