Rumor has it that when snowstorms hit the five boroughs every winter, my fine-feathered friends fly the coop down to West Palm Beach and sit Dumpster-side, sipping on mai tais, tricking the elderly into giving them far-too-generous portions of leftovers. That notion is for the birds.
If you know anything about pigeons, and I trust that my readers do, you know there’s no way we’re schlepping all the way to Florida just to avoid a little dusting. What’s Florida got going for it anyway? Warm weather, supermarket tabloids, and an oversized mouse — big deal. I saw a rat that big off the Eastern Parkway 2 stop last Thursday. I got everything I need right here.
Well, except basketball.
If we pigeons aren’t making the trek out of town at the slightest hint of winter weather, there’s no reason the local basketball club shouldn’t show the same respect.
What, all of a sudden Adam Silver is Mike Woods? Let’s play ball, boys!
I, for one, was looking forward to having Robin Lopez, Brook Lopez’s big lug twin come to my backyard at Monday’s game against the Portland Trail Blazers, which got postponed on account of that historically lackluster storm.
Word around the rafters is that the West Coast Lopez has got it out for NBA mascots. In a Twitter beef with my boy Moondog from the Cavaliers, the broken-handed Lopez said the world wouldn’t soon forget what he would do to the Cavs’ canine hype beast. Not surprisingly, Moondog sonned Lopez, and in defeat, Lopez compared himself to Jay Z in his feud with Nas.
First of all, Jay was responsible for getting Nas’s career back to relevant with that battle. “Hate Me Now”? C’mon. That couldn’t have been the same man that created “The World Is Yours.” Jay knew “Ether” was in there somewhere. He just needed to pull it out.
Anyway, Robin Lopez, you sir are no Jay Z.
The internet wars with Moondog aren’t the first dustup for Lopez. He’s thrown verbal jabs at Houston’s “Clutch” and Toronto’s “Raptor,” he gave a shove worthy of a technical to Orlando’s “Stuff the Magic Dragon” (whose name really needs to be addressed), and he ambushed Detroit’s “Hooper” in the bowels of the Palace at Auburn Hills. Step out to mid-court and fight like a man, Lopez.
Us mascots, we’ve got to stick together. I’d like to see that big fool step to Crummy. I’ve crushed bigger men than him.
The game between the Nets and Trail Blazers was rescheduled for April 6, so I’ll have to wait until then to give him a piece of mind. Who even knows if Brooklyn’s home team will have its own Lopez come April, so someone else may have to step up against this mascot-basher.
Speaking of stepping up, the Nets will now need someone to fill in for Mirza Teletovic. The Big Bosnian is out for the season due to blood clots in his lungs. All the birds in the rafters are wishing Mirza a speedy recovery. Look for Cory Jefferson and Jerome Jordan to earn more minutes and Bogdanovic to pick up some of the scoring slack. But it’s probably not enough to plug the holes of this sinking ship. I think the Nets will need somebody 6-foot 11 and 260-pounds plus for that. Andray Blatche anyone?
