Carmine takes on gravity at the wedding

Following the custom, Cookie was my Best Man, (as I was his when he married Eleanor) and Lisa, is my Goddaughter.

Now, as you might have assumed, time goes on and waits for no man. But Lisa got her man and Frank got his own bride, surviving two score years of history for both. So it was a very joyous wedding at the Holy Trinity Church in Valley Stream. Their Wedding Reception was at Jimmy Hays Filet Mignon Restaurant in Island Park. My Verizon GPS failed me getting to the church; apparently it is useless in Long Island. I just got even with Verizon with that dig. I resorted to my MapQuest maps to get there.

After lunching at Trattoria Lucia during Lisa’s shower, I had no doubt in my mind that this restaurant would also be top notch. Wow, what an understatement! Sure enough the food was superb, the Grey Goose martini’s endless and the blending of the two families perfect. We were sitting with Cookie and his wife Joanna, her Nephew Danny and niece Claudia.

Across the room sat Eleanor, her fiancée Chaz, her brother Eddie and sister-in-law Beau and a couple of neighbors from Howard Beach — one who was not very nice!

I have great difficulty walking and standing, however I’m great when I’m sitting. I saw my old friend Eddie, whom I haven’t seen in 20 years and energized by the martini, decided to visit and reminisce.

However, my suspenders weren’t as energized as I was and naturally gravity took its course. Yep, my pants started dropping down, and faster than a speeding bullet, my left arm retrieved them, holding them up as I made my way passing tables; holding my cane, and pants. All unseen by the human eye, except for my eagle-eye bride who was furious and Joanna who was laughing hysterically. Finally reaching Eddie’s table, there was a vacant seat between the two neighbors and I asked if I could sit for a moment to catch my breath, when the Ogre said “No, it’s my daughter’s seat.” Pleading was useless and my arm was getting tired of holding my pants. Reluctantly I returned to my table, contemplating mooning the Ogre en route, but common sense prevailed. I didn’t want to spoil Lisa and Frank’s otherwise perfectly wonderful party.

I returned to the table, in time to hear Eve’s loving speech to her sister, thanking her for all the times she was there for her growing up.

I wanted to volunteer a toast, the same toast I made 45 years ago, when Cookie and Eleanor were married. But that would have entailed walking to the other room and gravity was still around.

As luck would have it, the video crew came to our table asking if anyone wanted to give their well wishes to the bride and groom. Here was my chance to give the very same toast; well, the bride needed something old for her ensemble and this was it. I said that even though it only lasted 15 years, this time it will last another 45 years. “May happiness and peace lead you both on the highway of love which you have started today on your journey to matrimonial bliss, and may the road be strewn with fragrant roses and an abundance of joy until the culmination of your natural blessings which you have received today.” Lots of luck Lisa and Frank.

Auguri per cent anni!

Screech at you next time!