Carmine’s not as handsome as he used to be

Carmine goes ga-ga over the Mermaid Parade

I’m madder than Steve Buscemi after he was replaced in the kissing booth by Brad Pitt over the fact that time marches on, and I’m only half as good looking as I was when I was a strapping young lifeguard at the Raven Hall beach house on Coney Island.

Look, you all know that my motto growing up was akin to that of Joe Namath — I couldn’t wait for tomorrow because I was getting better looking every day.

But something happened along the way, and I’ll be the first to admit that the years (and meatball sandwiches) eventually caught up to me.

So you could imagine how upset I was when I saw my new congressman walk into the monthly meeting of my civic group BWECC! (whose acronym, as you know, reminds many of a certain expression used in Mad Magazine) and I watched in complete jealousy as the local ladies swooned over his incredible good looks.

Now, I don’t need to tell you that ol’Carmine is secure in his masculinity. I mean, if I wasn’t, how else could have spent more than 50 years of my life teaching ballroom dancing!

So I’m not embarrassed to admit that Congressman Mike Grimm, the Gulf War veteran and former FBI agent, is a good-looking man.

And I knew that even before he came down to the Bensonhurst West End Community Council to meet some of his newest constituents (thanks to redistricting).

But I’ll admit that it was a shock to my self esteem to hear the ladies go nuts about this strapping young man.

I mean, I never heard these things when our old rep, Jerry Nadler, walked into the room. This guy knocked my aunt Connie’s socks off!

Look, I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve put on a pound or 200 since my days making the ladies swoon as I sat high above on my lifeguard chair in Coney, and to a certain degree, I can only blame myself, what with the lack of exercise and all.

But how can I resist all this delicious food in Brooklyn?

So you wouldn’t be surprised to learn how shocked — shocked — I was when I had to be compared to this Rep. who is young and in picture-perfect health with a physique and striking looks more handsome than any of the James Bond stars (Yes! Including Timothy Dalton!).

My head was steaming when I saw this meticulous dressed guy going around to everyone shaking hands and introducing himself. Many of the ladies did not want to release his hand nor stop looking at his striking deep blue eyes. That really turned my brown eyes green with envy.

I was so taken about with what was going on around me — and the lack of attention being paid to yours truly — that I didn’t shout down the person who called Grimm a Tea Party conservative and demanded to know what he had in common with this community.

Now I know what that is — we both share the good looks of Elvis Presley in his youth, and that’s good enough for me. Let’s just hope that Rep. Grimm keeps up with his routine, and doesn’t end up going down the road me and old, fat Elvis took!

All that being said, I liked Grimm for more than his looks. He seemed like a stand-up guy who told us he just wanted to come and talk to some of his newest constituents. So I give him kudos for that.

He appears to be an excellent, eloquent speaker who drives his point across in a friendly manner. As I watched a contingent of PTA parents in the corner, he charmed them all, leaving them all smiling and breathing heavily. To quote one of the ladies “He’s quite a beautiful hunk!”

He did leave before Assemblyman William Colton’s young Special Assistant Priscilla Consolo and the president of the Transit Workers’ Union spoke on restoring the B-64 bus, but Grimm said he believed that the community had been short-changed in their transportation options, and he was aware of the hardships placed on the handicapped, elderly, sick, local businesses, and the students who really miss that bus. He promised to see what he could do when he takes over come January 2013.

With the appearance of the Congressional Adonis and the dynamic leadership of Priscilla Consolo and TWU Leader Herb Butler, and input of many of the audience, the meeting was a rousing success.

And you know Carmine doesn’t like to blow my own horn, but if I didn’t save the day by personally holding the microphone cord into the amplifier, while sitting on Tornado, nobody would have heard a thing.

Oh, and to all those ladies that are still sitting around waiting for another glance, Congressman Grimm has left the building!

Screech at you next week!

Carmines Sunday Screech appears every Sunday morning on BrooklynPaper.com because that is when people look forward to reading it. E-mail Carmine at [email protected].