Commish lays down the law! Four teams demoted for not showing up

Commish lays down the law! Four teams demoted for not showing up

Eighty percent of success is showing up — but Kickball’s best barely do that.

Four veteran teams in the Brooklyn Kickball League received temporary demotions this year to Tuesday’s league — the triple-A equivalent of the sport — because they have not been able to field a full roster of players.

Last year’s champions, the John Cougar Mellencamps, runner-ups Pony Boys, quarterfinalist Never Scared, and tough out Zeus’ Beard, all took penalties less than a month into the 2011 season, after Commissioner Kevin “The Commish” Dailey laid out the new “relegation” policy promoting attendance.

“I can’t have teams blowing off kickball,” said Dailey. “Until they show up on Tuesday, they are not welcome on Sunday — they must prove that they have their s—t together.”

The absences have contributed to the season’s sluggish start and deprived the league of several marquee matchups.

Never Scared bowed out of its highly anticipated matches Sunday against the New Frontiersmen and the Pony Boys forcing Dailey to scramble for make-up games.

So far, the preseason darling Boys have posted one measly win, with two losses and three ties — because they’ve been a few horses short of a cavalry.

Meanwhile, the ever-punctual Mellencamps have already taken two byes — and they could have used another this week after getting mind f—ked by Diddy’s White Party, 4-1.

Diddy mascot John “Placido” Domingos said his team, currently in first place with a 6-0 record, is succeeding through “good baserunning, well-placed kicks and great defense” while capitalizing on Mellencamp mistakes.

That and a pep talk from pitcher Mike “Curly” Hayes, after the team took a 1-0 lead in the bottom of the first.

“They are a great team, and have been since before we even had a team in the league,” said a deferential Domingos. “They took our game really seriously it seemed like, probably because we took the lead in the first and didn’t give it up.”

In their other games, Diddy needled American Blood, 2-1, while the second-ranked Mellencamps mercied Victorious Vices, and the Pony Boys settled for ties against the Mathletes and American Blood.

And the Bacon Bits continued to roll, racking up a sweep of Ram Rod, 8-1, and Sugar Tits, 6-1, while People’s Court tied a short-handed Never Scared, 3-3, after big purple led, 2-1, through the fourth inning, but lost to Salute Your Jorts.

And second-ranked New Frontiersmen survived a scare when top outfielder Matt “Marquis de” Sadewitz tweaked his knee before his team defeated Space Rabies. Sadewitz said he’s fine and doesn’t expect to miss any time.

“It’s swollen and bruised but no real damage at all — I just have to wait for it to stop being tender,” said Sadewitz, who missed most of last season with a broken collarbone.

Brooklyn Kickball at Gilroy Field in McCarren Park (Bedford Avenue at N. 13th Street in Greenpoint), Sundays, 5–11 pm.

Anne “Drew” Carey, Dolls Kicking Balls
Photo by Aaron Short