Dog bites man — where the sun don’t shine

90th Precinct


Testy pet

Finally, a dog-bites-man story.

Police arrested a 19-year-old suspect who commanded his dog to bite a 45-year-old man inside a S. Fifth Street bodega on Dec. 16, cops said.

The perp and his victim were arguing outside Cruz Grocery near Keap Street at 11:50 pm, when the teen allegedly ordered his dog to chomp the man’s testicles.

The dog helped himself to a meatball sandwich and did not leave a tip.

The manager called the police, who collared the suspect at 1:50 am. Cops said that they found marijuana and other narcotics in his pocket, too.

Meanwhile, the victim was taken to the hospital and treated for bite marks where the sun does not shine.

Gut check

A perp stabbed a man at the Marcy Avenue station on Dec. 15.

The 40-year-old victim told cops that he had just left the J train near Broadway at 11 pm when he encountered five perps blocking the stairwell.

When he asked them to move, one perp retorted, “What’s your problem?” and lunched at the victim with a sharp object.

The victim went home and discovered he was bleeding from his stomach. He took himself to the hospital the next day.

Knock out

A thief threatened mugged a woman for her purse inside her S. Third Street building on Dec. 14.

The victim had entered her building near Hewes Street at 6:40 pm when the perp approached her with a blunt object and said, “Don’t move, give me what you got or I’m going to knock you out!”

He took her bag, got on his bicycle, and rode away.

Moore move

A thief swiped a cellphone from a woman on Moore Street on Dec. 16 after she spurned his advances.

The victim was near Manhattan Avenue at 3:23 am when the perp approached and asked, “Where are you going? How come you’re not talking?”

She ignored him, so he put her in a chokehold and took her phone.

Scary stick-up

A thief mugged a woman at gunpoint and stole her wallet, phone, class ring and cash on Bushwick Avenue on Dec. 16.

The victim left the Morgan Avenue L train at and was near Seigel Street at 1:25 am when the perp stopped her, stuck a gun to her back and demanded, “Give me everything!”

She gave up the goods, and the perp fled.

Phone-y crook

A thief mugged a woman in front of her Meserole Street building and stole her phone on Dec. 18.

The victim was near Leonard Street at 3:10 am, when the perp approached her, flashed a silver handgun and said, “Phone!” The perp grabbed her handbag with her phone and $45, and ran away.

Cleaned out

A thief stole an iPhone, mouse and computer from a Broadway apartment when its tenant was out of town for a week.

The resident left his apartment near Hooper Street on Dec. 8, but when he returned a week later, he saw his stuff was gone.

Caught mouse

A thief stole a laptop from a S. Third Street apartment on Dec. 13, but police said they nabbed the 16-year-old and recovered the property.

A witness said she heard a noise outside his apartment near Bedford Avenue at 1 pm and saw three men on the fire escape.

She called the police, who collared one suspect, who still had the ill-gotten booty on him, police said.

X-boxed in

A thief stole a video game system and computer from a S. First Street apartment.

The tenant left his apartment near Driggs Avenue on Dec. 9, but when he came back home two days later, the electronics were gone.

Thames time

A thief stole a book bag, wallet, and $55 from a car on Thames Street on Dec. 17.

The driver parked near Bogart Street at 1 am, but when she returned at 11 am, she discovered a broken window and a missing bag.

Civic minded

A thief stole a Honda on S. First Street overnight on Dec. 13.

The driver parked near Keap Street at 9 pm, but when he returned to the spot 12 hours later, his car was missing.

— Aaron Short