Five things to do in Brooklyn this week!

Friday

August 28

The hate beyond

Channeling the best possible outcome of a Westboro Baptist Church protest, “God Hates You” features two anti-gay picketers who discover their forbidden feelings for each other. The short comedy is followed by “Good Morning, Hell!” a morning show set in the fiery abyss.

8 pm at the Annoyance Theatre [367 Bedford Ave. at S. Fifth Street in Williamsburg, (718) 569–7810, www.theannoyancenewyork.com] $8.

Saturday

August 29

On a roll

Hurtling downhill in a handmade soapbox derby cart? That sounds like an excellent thing to watch someone else do! Check out the eco-friendly carts built and decorated by kids aged 7–15 as they swoop down 17th Street. But the race isn’t always to the swift — carts are also judged on style!

Noon outside Open Source Gallery [316 17th St. between Sixth and Fifth Avenues in Park Slope. www.open-source-gallery.org]. Free.

Sunday

August 30

Shots fired

Celebrate the 239th anniversary of the Battle of Brooklyn, when General George Washington held off the British long enough for all his troops to skedaddle out of the borough. Historians and re-enactors will bring the battle to life just inside the gate of Green-Wood Cemetery, and then lead a parade to a memorial ceremony on the top of Battle Hill.

11:30 am at Green-Wood Cemetery [500 25th St. at Fifth Avenue in Greenwood Heights, (718) 210–3080, www.green-wood.com]. Free.

Smokin’!: Revolutionary War reenacators will fire off guns in front of Green-Wood on Aug. 30.

Tuesday

September 1

Stay classy

Middle school was a terrible place, filled with bullies, homework, and social awkwardness. But cartoonist Neil Swaab, creator of the demented alt-comic strip “Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles,” suggests an easier path with his new, actually appropriate-for-kids book “The Secrets to Ruling School (Without Even Trying)” about a middle-school life coach.

7 pm at Word Bookstore [26 Franklin St. at Milton Street in Greenpoint, (718) 383–0096, www.wordbrooklyn.com]. Free.

Thursday

September 3

Lucky seven

Why go to just one show when you can see seven? Satellite Collective debuts seven new performances tonight, including a ballet, modern dance, a spoken-word piece, a stop-motion film, and several new music compositions. The interdisciplinary art is designed to draw viewers through a gamut of emotions.

8 pm at the Brooklyn Academy of Music, Fishman Space [321 Ashland Pl. between Lafayette Avenue and Hanson Place, (718) 636–4100, www.bam.org/satellitecollective]. $25 ($10 students).

All the answers: The main character of Neil Swaab’s “The Secrets to Ruling School (Without Even Trying)” is here to help. Swaab reads from his book on Sept. 1 in Greenpoint.

Neil Swaab