It has come to pass that our illustrious mayor has delivered rental bikes to our fair city. The mayor presented the bike rental initiative to us on a silver platter, just like John the Baptist’s head. How did I know it would happen so long ago when I dedicated a column to it? I just did. But it’s still a good feeling when a prediction comes to fruition.
Not that it’s that hard. After all, with Bloomberg predictions are easy-peezy. He always gets what he wants. From throwing out term limits to all the rest of his dictates, like low-salt and low-fat meals in restaurants, smoking bans in pubs, parks, beaches, bars, (hell, we’re lucky if we can smoke in our own homes, but that’s only when we can afford the pack). Let’s face it he gets what he wants.
One of his first souvenirs was the “Opportunities” program imported from Mexico. His plan to pay underprivileged parents to take care of their kids was implemented in the hopes that it would improve life in impoverished communities here. Unfortunately, after the trial period was over, it was discovered that the plan didn’t prove as effective as he hoped. Sure, parents now had checking accounts, but students still failed tests.
But that failure didn’t stop him. He still got a second go-round and we still have this ridiculous program. True it’s paid for by donated funds from his billionaire friends, but my feeling is that if it didn’t get the results you wanted in the first place, what makes you think more money will make it work? ’Cause Mayor Mike gets what he wants.
So now the bike rental program has come to pass. Mayor Mike went to France, England, and Germany to explore the bike-rental programs there, and although we are not France, England, or Germany, the big wheels have arrived in the Big Apple faster than you can say, “Helmet sir?”
Two-wheelers are available as we speak for rental. On the surface you might ask “how bad can it be?” Well, don’t ask ’cause you’ll soon find out. Here in Brooklyn where space is tighter than a storage bin at Public Storage and parking spots are at a premium, the various locations that have been targeted will in all likelihood tow about two dozen car spaces away. Not even paying off the meter maids will bring them back.
So does Brooklyn want to share a bike built for two or would we rather have the spots to park our four-wheeled buggies? Since I have fought many a losing battle with the traffic agents (I have the orange stubs to prove it), parking hogs, parking meters, and the alternate-side-of-the-street-shuffle, I have to say “Keep your spokes,” I pass.
But then again, the mayor has never listened to me, and I doubt if he’s gonna start now. I just hope he doesn’t take any more trips to foreign lands, then force his mementos upon us before he moves out of City Hall (I also hope that he doesn’t want another term).
Not for Nuthin, but when most people come home from vacations they usually bring back an ashtray or a wall plaque — not government policy.