Grandma Jenny and the Genie Bra

My Grandma Jenny was a large woman. She stood 5-foot-7 and was well over the 200-pounds so, to say the least, she was a formidable specimen.

Oh, and she had the biggest bazangas I have ever seen.

So it comes as no surprise that what she sported for “support” was of the mucho grande variety.

So big, in fact that she used her bra as most people today use a fanny pack.

At any given moment she carried extra money tied into a handkerchief, an extra set of keys, tissues, and — I swear on a stack of bibles — whatever didn’t fit into her shopping cart, but needed to be taken home.

And laundry day always had her starched-white over the shoulder bolder holders with extra re-enforced straps wafting on the line like the sails of schooner billowing on the bounding main.

So why am I talking about Grandma Jenny’s ubiquitous bra? The other night, I happened on an infomercial for the new “Genie Bra” while waiting for my daughter’s “Pick me up I’m ready to come home” call.

I watched fascinated as a parade of women, all members of the itty-bitty committee, sporting the new invention and exclaiming how wonderful it was. No longer did their straps fall, their boobs droop or their back hurt. In fact after watching this for a half-hour, I was convinced that this garment was the best invention next to the Häagen-Dazs’ dulce de leche.

“How can this be?” I thought. “What super space-aged material is used to create such support and comfort?”

But then, I remembered the one-size-fits-all styles that popped up in the ’70s and realized this is just another scam to part us fools from our money. I mean, how can one pair of pants fit everyone?

So I checked the internet and I found a few comments from people of all sizes who claim they fell for the spiel and bought this wonder garment.

And they say they are still waiting for their refunds.

Lorrainne from Lakebay Wa. said “I think they [stink]. I am a 36D, so I ordered the ‘M.’ I do nothing but fight with the bloody thing all day.” Mary from New Jersey, added “The only blessing is no underwire. But you do end up with a uni-boob.” And Linda from North Carolina added, “Am terribly disappointed — comes no where near what the infomercial says — very misleading — returned them and am waiting on my money back.”

So there you have it. If it seems too good to be true than it probably is. But you’ve got to hand it to the advertisers: they make one hell of an infomercial.

But you don’t have to take it from me. Apparently, the brand is now sold at Target (for a lot cheaper, to boob — I mean boot). So if you want to give it your own support-comfort-aha! test, give it a snap.

Not for Nuthin, but I know what Grandma Jenny would say: “Hey, I don’t like this bra, there’s no place for my wallet.”

Columnist Joanna DelBuono covers national issues for BrooklynDaily.com every Wednesday. She can be reached at jdelbuono@cnglocal.com.

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